Week 0: SHOW ME YOUR DICK
Out with the old, in with the lackwits
Ahhhh tis that time of the year again: the Late Night franchise re-emerges from the depths of the Laurentian Abyss, joins with the Allspark, and reactivates so many of the hurtful put-downs we've grown to love. Enemies become phrenz, phrenz become enemies, and Saksen pops in another Canassa. No one is richer for the experience.
As the reigning Tier II Commissioner and Gatekeeper to the Otherworld, I have a lot on my fantasy agenda so let's get right to it.
Order of business as 2013 Tier II Commissioner:
- LEGALIZE PENIS FARTS
- Achieve lineup nirvana and fanangle a way to banish ughDan back under the Late Night bridge where he belongs. He's suuuuch a troll omg.
Thanks to DLE bowing out of relegation, we were granted three open spots for Tier II.
Let's introduce the newcomers:
The returners aren't that exciting except for me, but I might as well give a brief synopsis for those who don't know each other:
Week 1 Predictions
This is gonna be quick
Manginas got Sanduskied: My team is clearly full of late bloomers, and I don't like my odds this week. If it makes anyone feel better I have the lowest projected score this week. Oh and way to play Julius Thomas Zack you seksi lil newb lololololololololololololololol Jerry 130, Early 119
Vaginal Kibbles: I think Spencer actually has a slight edge here, but then AP blows out both his knees. Yea I said it. Also fuck Peyton Manning. Vick 138, Hubris 124
Pokomon Queso: Austin's drunken master tactics will serve him well in Week 1, plus I know how Greg hates it when I pick him to win. Gotta catch em all! Chin 140, Tatas 119
Schme's Eskimos: I'm strictly going off projections for this one, sorry Kyle. Schme's 144, Brothers 128
Don't Juggernaut: I'll give the underdog win to Omar here. Hate 128, Juggz 126
AND SO IT BEGINS YOU FUCKING STUPID PUNK BITCHEZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.