The Puffington Post

Jay Z's 100th Problem | Edition 12 | March 8, 2016

"More orders. More drivers." to replace "Goodbye convenience store. Hello goPuff." as the Spring 2016 company slogan.

Trending

A WISE MAN (RAPPER) NAMED FUTURE ONCE SAID, "YOU DO WHAT YOU WANT WHEN YOU POPPIN." (I THINK...CAN'T REALLY UNDERSTAND HIM)
goPuff's new HQ Office is OFFICIAL! It's 30K sq.ft. and a global change for goPuff. It's everyone's hard work that makes growth like this possible - keep working hard so we can ball harder.

MORE BEER? YES. WHY? BECAUSE WE CAN.

goBeer Philadelphia is expanding and will carry up to 250 beers in the new space. The walk-in fridge is better real estate than your college dorm was, even at 40 degrees.

SPEAKING OF BOOZE...
The District is about to get a lot. Like, white girl wasted, but for politicians and politicians' mistresses and stuff. goBooze DC launches in a few weeks!

SPEAKING OF LAUNCHING...
Seattle is goPuff's next city! Here's what we know about Seattle: it rains a lot, there's really good coffee, is the setting to Endri's favorite film 50 Shades of Grey (he saw it three times in theaters and his excuse that he was on 'dates' was void after the second showing), is home to the "belly of the beast," aka Amazon's headquarters, and is nothing that a Pufferfish can't handle.

Operations

CASH, CREDIT, OR CANCELLED?
If a customer wants to cancel:
  • Offer her/him Puff Points
  • Forward their complaint to support@gopuff.com
  • Tell them they can take their lousy business for GrubHub or Amazon
  • Don't do that last thing I wrote
  • That was a test
  • Not a good test because I can't even tell if you've passed
  • Just kidding, that was also a test
  • You're being watched
  • Just kidding that would make me crazy
  • I'm not crazy
  • 11 bullet points deep and I'm obviously still not crazy
  • Now this is getting a bit long winded
  • What I mean to say is
  • In the briefest way possible
  • And then I'ma be gone like Fetty Wap's eye
  • Is...

Cancelling orders is the LAST RESORT!


CASHIN' OUT
  • Holla for a dolla UNLESS IT'S FAKE. Managers: double check money & tell drivers to double check as well! Pro tip: goPuff does not accept Monopoly money.
  • New Daily Cash Template: USE IT! Questions? Ask Jori.
  • Driver cashout will now be once/week on Mondays by the Regional Managers.

IF IT LOOKS LIKE A FRAUD, AND SMELLS LIKE A FRAUD, THEN IT'S PROBABLY A FRA - EW, WHY ARE YOU SMELLING THE ORDERS? WHO HIRED YOU?
What to look out for:
  • Orders > $80-100ish
  • Customers that order every day or multiple times a day
  • Big purchases: hoverboards, vapes, hookahs

Suspicious? Talk to Simon or Endri.

goPuff's latest Puffer of the Week:

Puffer of the Week #3

Squad News

DAN will be in charge of the "Driver's Welcome Packet" in Philly - if a driver asks for shirts or magnets or a romantic night out on the town, refer them to him.

Welcome James, Vince, Jeremy and Nick - our new managers in Philly!

Quote of the Week: "I was going to say something but the excitement of the freezer got me." - Darren Donnelly

You know you work at goPuff when the prospect of new appliances renders you speechless.

Marketing

SOCIAL MEDIA
  • Slidin' into your Snapchats like...let us know if you have any ideas for Snapchat filters (for events, campuses, holidays, anything random).

EVENTS THIS WEEK:

St. Patty's bar crawls on Saturday in not one, not two, but three cities. If you're in Philly, DC or Boston and not working (LOL) come through!

PUFF POINTS ARE THE NEW BLACK
We're updating the Puff Point category to include super swell prizes like headphones, candles, hoverboards, that giant teddy bear you never won at the carnival, next semester's tuition, and all the missing socks your washing machine ate up. Any suggestions? Holla at us.