Warner Update
Making a difference, one person at a time
The HOW in developing Relationships (Sept. 21 - 28)
I'm a believer that developing a relationship with someone begins with your attitude and mindset.
We know about the power of relationships. We’ve heard (and believe!) the old adage, “Kids don’t care what you know until they know that you care.” So how do we build and cultivate those all-important relationships.
Be Intentional...OFTEN
One of our first steps in building meaningful relationships is to connect with a student--a lot. Find tons of small moments to interact with students, and don’t worry about making these moments all highly impactful. In fact, high-quality interactions may be difficult at first. Go for quantity. Give students a quick smile whenever you have a chance. Offer quick comments and questions about mundane (and therefore safe) things. “Can you believe how warm it is outside?” “Good morning—it’s good to see you today.” “What did you think about the assembly yesterday?”
As these small positive moments begin to pile up, students will gradually begin to trust us, opening them up for deeper and more meaningful connections.
Use Students' Names Positively—A Lot
The way we use students’ names in these small moments is important. Some kids are so used to being in trouble at school—and having their name used in that negative context—that when someone says their name, they move into fight, flight, or freeze. I had such a student one year in fifth grade. Nick was so accustomed to hearing his name called in frustration (“Nick—keep your hands to yourself!” “Will you please stop, Nick!” “Nick, how many times do I have to tell you to…?”) that his name had become a negative emotional trigger. I remember calling to him one day early in the year—to ask him a question about his writing: “Nick, can you come here for a sec,” I invited. He exploded, “I wasn’t doin’ nothin’! Why are you always pickin’ on me! I hate this school!” He threw his writing notebook on the floor and stormed out of the room.
Isn’t this heartbreaking? Can you imagine how awful it would be to hear your name and automatically feel a sense of shame or dread?
Students like Nick need to hear their names used in positive contexts—a lot. As you're racking up lots of small moments of positive interactions, use their names in friendly and inviting ways. “Nick, is that a new shirt?” “Nick, how was lunch? Nick, who did you play with at recess?”
Avoid Character Judgments
In Ruth Charney’s groundbreaking book, Teaching Children to Care, she encourages us, when addressing behaviors, to stress the deed, not the doer. This is important for our work with all children, but especially with students who struggle with regulation and relationships—the ones who need the most support with behavior. We need to help guide their behavior and should never label them according to their struggles. When we judge and label students it often is a detriment to our culture and to the student.
School Wide Norms Instead of Taking Everything Personal
When we frame rule-following behavior through our own personal expectations (“I expect all students to…” or “In my class, I want students to…” or “I’m looking for children to…”), it feels personal for us when kids break the rules. We can slide into the mindset that they’re somehow being personally disrespectful of us when they run in the hall or talk out of turn. This can lead us into power-struggles and conflict when what students really need is coaching and support. Instead, let’s use the language of class norms or school rules. This enables us to address behavior mistakes without us taking it personally and without students feeling as though relationships are at stake when they struggle.
Don’t Outsource Problem-Solving Conferences
One of the most common mistakes we might make with students is to try and have other people in the school help them when they’re struggling. Billy melts down in class, and we send him to the counselor’s office in the hopes that the counselor can help him figure out what’s wrong and get him back on track. The problem with this is twofold. First off, the counselor wasn’t there when he melted down, so how can they possibly get a clear picture of what happened? Secondly, if the session does go well and Billy gains some new positive strategies, he may now see the counselor as the one who has his back in school, the one who genuinely cares about him. The next time he gets frustrated or overwhelmed, he may try and get to the counselor’s office, since that’s the person who he trusts to help him.
Instead, the adult who is with the child when the child is struggling should be the one to help him with a problem-solving conference. Teachers need to make time to have these meetings. Invite a student in for lunch to chat. Or, carve out a few minutes during independent academic work time. (You might have three writing conferences and a social conference during writing workshop, for example.) Some counselors and administrators may offer to take your class for 10 minutes so you can have a chat with a student. Be creative and figure out a way to make time for these connections. That way you get to be a champion for ALL your kids.
Next Week At A Glance:
Monday, Sept. 23rd: Check in/Check out begins
Monday, Sept. 23rd: Y5/KDG PLC at Admin
Monday, Sept. 23rd: Extra Recess for PBIS reward (whole school)
- KDG at 10:00am
- 1st at 10:20am
- 2nd at 1:20pm
- Y5 at 1:45pm
- 5th at 2:20pm
- 3rd & 4th at 2:40pm
Monday, Sept. 23rd: Board Meeting 6pm
Tuesday, Sept. 24th: School Improvement at the JCISD
Tuesday, Sept. 24th: 5th Grade Camp Parent Orientation at Bean 6:30pm
Wednesday, Sept. 25th: Grades 3-5 8:45am Assembly
PLC Wednesday WIN Time (What I Need)
- Focus on essential standards: It is IMPERATIVE that we know where our students are with each essential standard. What students need additional support? What students are ready to be pushed?
- How will you adjust your lessons based on student learning?
- If you were asked to share how you know a student's level of understanding would you have quantifiable data or just your gut?
Thursday, Sept. 26th: 1st Grade PLC at Admin
Friday, Sept. 27th: 2nd Grade PLC at Admin
Friday, Sept. 27th: Homecoming Football Game - encourage everyone to wear Western Gear!
* Teachers, it is your responsibility to set up substitutes on your PLC days. If you need assistance please contact Jill or Ben in the office.
* Reminder to complete your Self-Evaluation in Pivot before Oct. 1st.
* Tuesday will begin a new challenge for PBIS. The first challenge was school wide and the second challenge will be grade levels. For exactly 1 month tokens will be tracked and the grade level that earns/spends the most will go to Red Egg Farm during the school day to complete the corn maze. The winning grade will also receive donuts when they arrive. The winning staff from the grade level will receive gift cards.