Come to the Gulag Resort + Getaway!

(Or we will force and enslave you)

Daily Routine! (Itinerary)

4:30am - First you will wake up at the crack of dawn and get ready to work! If you have a jacket (which you probably do not) you might want to wear it because you will be working in temperatures up to -41F!

4:45am - At 4:45am we offer a continental, luxurious breakfast of soup or a slice of bread. Enjoy every bite of it because you will not be eating for another 7 hours!

5:00am - 12:00pm - We offer and expect (and I mean EXPECT) you to participate in one of our enjoyable recreation activities such as mining or cutting trees.

12:05pm - Once you have finished your recreational activities (for the time being) enjoy our many different, exotic foods that we have to offer such as soup and bread!

12:25pm till dark - It is time for you to go back to your very enjoyable and non dangerous recreational activities! The recreational activities end when it is dark outside but since so many people enjoy doing them we usually let them run longer than usual.

8:00pm - At 8:00 everyone joins together and stand in a line so we can make sure everybody has returned from their recreational activities! It would be such a tragedy of somebody got lost!

9:00pm - At 9:00 its dinnertime! We serve hot and nutritious soup and bread to everybody.

9:15pm - At 9:15 we send everybody off to bed because usually everyone is so exhausted from the fun day that they had.

4:30am - It is time to do it all over again!! (Hurray!)

Recreational Activities!

We offer all different types recreational activities for you to do while you stay at our 5 Star Gulag Resort! Here is only a few of our favorites!

  • Cutting Trees - If you love the outdoors than this is the job for you! All day, everyday you will cut down tree after tree. You may think this sounds EXTREMELY DANGEROUS but do not worry; we go to extreme measures to make sure every guest who participates in this activity is safe and happy.
  • Mining and Manual Construction - Mining and manual construction is the perfect activity for people looking for great exercise! All day you participate in heavy lifting by carrying huge rocks across the Gulags, and an intense cardio workout from mining deep into the depths of the Gulag. By the end of the day I guarantee you will feel like you have a whole new body!
  • Trusties - If you wish to pay a little extra you can become a trustie! A trustie has the honor of working in the cafeteria, the bathhouse, or the barbershop. You also get to control when workers get to rest, who gets food, and what person does what recreational activity. It is as if you are working for us! (How lucky!)

People participating in manual construction

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Our Luxurious Rooms!

When you stay at our Gulag Resort you will be given a hand carved and man made bed. We take pride in the fact that we do not offer any mattresses or hardly any pillows because it is a proven fact that people sleep a lot better without them and also it is better for your back. Sometimes our resort is so crowded you have to share you room with strangers but thats okay because it is an opportunity for you to make new friends! In each room there is a table and a few chairs so you can sit around with your friends talking and playing games! Lastly, the floor of your room is made from a special, rare type of mud that never dries up.
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Our Locations!

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We have many different locations all over the Soviet Union so you never have to drive far to be able to stay with us!