We Want You!

For the Presidential Candidacy

Bad Religion - You Are (The Government)

Job Description:

Requirements: To be come President you need to be a natural born citizen of the United States, Had to live in the United States for fourteen years, and Thirty-Five years old.

Salary: You get paid $223.84 an hour for a forty hour work week and which in totals $400,000 a years.

Benefits:

(While Sitting)

Staff - The President receives basically unlimited staff, as determined by Congress. There is some 96 employees in the White House.
White House - Movie theater, bowling alley, pool, tennis and basketball courts, putting green, groundskeepers, florists, valets and butlers, a pastry chef and 24-hour cooking staff.
Recreation - As above, the President receives some of the best recreation available. They receive invites to the best parties, and any invitation they send out is unlikely to be rebuffed. Many many activities occur on the South Lawn.
Air Force One - The middle level of these planes carries up to 70 passengers, as well as a 26-person crew. There's ample room in the staff, media and security areas in the back half of the plane, but the president has a personal suite under the cockpit with an office, bathroom, bedroom and workout room.
Ground Transportation - The Beast is generally one of the most secure vehicles on the planet. They receive two 'Dignitary Buses' at around $1MM each. The Beast shoots grenades and sees in infrared.
Blair House - Its 119 rooms include more than 20 bedrooms for guests and staff, 35 bathrooms, four dining rooms, a gym, a flower shop and a hair salon.
Travel & Advance Team - The Presidential Advance Team includes logistics and security for the president's motorcade, as well as employing Secret Service against the 500 death threats the president receives each month, on average.
Camp David - The Presidential vacation home. No Washington heat or traffic. Features 11 cabins, office cabin, swimming pool, shooting range, bowling alley, etc. Plus the use of Marine One to helicopter.

(After)

Security - Presidents before 1997 received security for life. This was changed to only 10 years for George W Bush, but then retroactively returned to lifetime security. It includes the spouse, and any children until age 16. Secret Service can also decide autonomously to continue security after.
Pension - Executive Level One Pay, which is currently $199k, in perpetuity. There's a few bills trying to change it to 200k in total (removing all above) with removal of each dollar in personal annual wealth over $400k. These are fully taxable.
Transition - Presidents receive 6 months of transition costs. It covers office space, staff compensation, communications services, and printing and postage associated with the transition
Allowance - 30 months after the 6 month transition, you receive $150k in post-presidential staff pay, and $96k a year after that.
Travel - Congress determined that former Presidents must travel as part of their civic duties, and are allowed $1MM in travel expenses.
Health Benefits - Presidents receive health benefits for 5 or more years of Federal service, and while it is 'the same as Congress,' they also get the added bonus of priority and use veteran's hospitals.
Presidential Townhouse - The Townhouse mentioned in the 'Sitting' sections Blair House is a perk that continues into retirement.
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Anti-Flag - Project For a New American Century