By Matthew Bowen & Joseph Washum
The Dorset Boy
A miracle has struck our little town we call Summit, a kidnapping occurred around two days prior from now. Johnny Dorset, son of Ebenezer Dorset, has been kidnapped and held for ransom by two anonymous kidnappers. Ebenezer received a letter two days after the disappearance from the men proclaiming $1500 in paper money if the boy was to return home safely. Whilst most of our town is rejoicing, knowing that the boy is gone. In response to the letter sent in by the kidnappers. We went to interview the father of Johnny late last night.
Interview with the Father
When asked why he didn’t want to pay the ransom for his “beloved” son, he responded in disbelief. “Why would I EVER pay those two buffoons $1500 to have that scoundrel back in our town murdering kittens? If anything they should pay me to take him back.” “In fact that’s EXACTLY what i’m going to do, by now the kid has probably killed the both of em and is wearing their faces as masks.” quite gruesome indeed. “Those two bumbling idiots didn’t know what they we’re in for when they kidnapped my boy, God have mercy.”
The "Nightmare" Returns
Sadly, after all the celebration and happiness this gift of God has brought us, something terrible has struck, the Dorset boy has returned. You heard it right folks, the kidnappers PAYED the ransom to Ebenezer after a measly two days, some of us don’t know how possibly they could have dealt with him that long. Between throwing whatever he can find at kittens or any other animals, and acting completely insane, I honestly would have charged more if I was Ebenezer in this case, a measly $250 would not have been worth taking him back.