Year One a Success!

It took them long enough...

Surprise!- Teachers Survive Purcell After All!

Two brave souls lasted the full nine month term in the Purcell School District longer than anyone thought they could. Ryan Tapp, after dealing with middle schoolers of all shapes and smells, led his band students tunefully through so many songs. Not only this, but Mr. Tapp also dealt with a boss of substantial horrors and an office rife with mold and its own sort of smell. Rachel Renbarger, alumni of the school, literally almost died every single month... Respiratory infections... Strep throat... Influenza... The children literally tried to kill her. Thankfully, Mr. Tapp aided in her health, always providing Coke and cheese and Canes to help her through the many ailments. Alas, in May, the two skipped merrily out of the town onto greater heights. (photo below left with coworker Ms. DeVane)

Girl ruins all firsts by creating not-firsts (fiction piece)

Rachel, lead instigator of social interactions with Ryan, failed miserably when it came to follow-through. She had never dealt with a guy like him, you know... one who cared more about friendship than sex, and so all bets were off with this one. In fact, she didn't even know he liked her until weeks into their one-on-one hang out sessions. This is her story.

For the first kiss, this would be more embarrassing than almost any other event in her life. It started out fine. The non-couple had finally achieved the level of sitting on the same couch. Rachel thought he was looking at her the way a boy would be if he wanted to kiss her, but there's really no way of knowing what's ever going on in a boy's mind, especially this boy's mind. He got a little closer. Good sign. Oh shit now it's quiet. The girl contemplated the logistics of both individuals wearing glasses. Will that hurt? Will they clash into each other and make the thing even more awkward than it already was? Should I take my glasses off then so I don't have to consider this? Well then I look stupid if he doesn't want to kiss me after all. I'm also blind so I won't have any way of knowing what's going on with him. She thought she smiled but probably she just looked pained in her nervousness. They sat in silence for a few more seconds. I gotta go. He's waiting for me to leave so he can do something more fun. And then Rachel fled the scene.

---

For the couple's first time having sex, Ryan offered to take their makeout session from the couch to the bed. "Yeah! I mean. Yeah. Sure." What the fuck? What year am I in? He's being sketchy, like he's some gentleman from the 1940s trying to take my comfort into consideration. I don't understand this. Okay. She gets up and they both walk to the bedroom in silence. They don't bother turning on the light. Eventually Ryan is horizontal on the bed with Rachel straddling him. He sits up and slides her shirt over her head for the first time ever. So maybe this really is happening. She smiles. A few seconds later, she feels a hand unclasping her bra and Ryan throws it to the floor. Mmmm finally. He looks for one(?) whole second then swoops both breasts in his hands and brings his mouth to one. Oh my god. What. He already found my biggest weakness. One that I had to fight for in past relationships. I can't do this. He's too perfect. Mmm. Yeah. Mmmmmmm. Nope. Gotta stop. Going to hurt this perfect person. Rachel leans back and Ryan stops. He looks at her, alarmed, like he hurt her, not like she was the psycho she was.


"I can't do this."

"Oh, okay."

"Yeah?"
"Yeah, I understand."

He sits up in bed while Rachel grabs her shirt and pulls it over her head.

"Really?"

She grabs the bra on the floor.

"Mhm. Don't worry."

Alright. Cool. He wasn't into it. Proof. Well... I'm pretty sure I felt that he was into it... but maybe not.

"Yeah, I don't know. I'm a mess."

Rachel slipped on her shoes and grabbed her purse and fled the scene yet again.


It all turned out fine. They moved past her idiocy and now kiss and sex whenever in the same town/state/country/timezone. Thank god for calm boys and second chances.

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For the first "L word" incident, the couple was fighting. In the early months of their relationship, it took painfully slow growth to turn them into people who could communicate. Once they were on the same wave length, everything was perfect. However, the first time they said "love," they would be far from this wonderful point.


The couple laid in bed staring at the ceiling in the dark. Something happened before this moment causing a lot of tension- likely Rachel overthinking their sex life- and it didn't go well. She debated going home. This is awkward. I like when we snug before sleep but that seems unlikely now. I should just go. She laid there some more. He doesn't know why I overthink everything with us. He doesn't know why I get so scared when I feel like something is wrong. I've told him I really like him, but he doesn't know really how much I like him. Is he asleep? She looked over at Ryan next to her in the dark. She couldn't see his eyes, but the fact he was laying on his back (he never slept on his back) meant he was likely seething. Okay, I gotta make this better. I gotta tell him why I'm so crazy.

"Okay. Well. Uhhh." She grimaced, expecting this to go poorly. "I love you."


She couldn't see him, but Ryan seemed to lose all tension. She looked back at the ceiling, afraid that this meant he was going to say he liked me or that he had fallen asleep after all. "I love you too."

WHAT?! HE SAID IT BACK?! Rachel realized she had been holding her breath and exhaled at the relief she felt. She could tell he was smiling. Oh god. Okay. This is better. Now what? He moved to his side to decrease the distance between them, the space that meant they were fighting. Then the couple had hot, hot sex and said those three words so many times that the sex was just a series of words and smiles. This last fuck up by the girl actually went really well, but Ryan would continually remember the event as Rachel revealing her deepest, darkest secret. Happily ever after and stuff. :)

Review: Vast (Devon Tower)

Let me just say that the quail appetizer is to die for. You could feed two whole babies with the meat on those bones! And boy would those babies be happy. Plus, the rest of the food just melted away as if it didn't cost a thousand dollars. Yum.

The view is astounding, with the lights of Oklahoma City (now that it's actually cool) twinkling so many stories below. It is a beautiful spot to take your lady. Job well done to any couples going there for a date night.

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Review: Riversport Adventures

Oklahoma City, now a place where some people under 50 would like to spend their time, has a new thing for people who like to have their friends laugh at them. It involves a ropes course that apparently some people are really speedy and awesome at, a zipline that causes some friends to feel a little too large, and it has a slide that makes everyone happy. The Oklahoma winds make the experience a little shaky at times, but it is well worth the expense of your self worth (for when you accidentally sit rather than free fall). Maybe don't try the kayaking unless you want to sludge through some of OKC's finest slime/trash.

(pictured above)

Obituary

In August of 2014, the world lost a great hat made for fathers of any kind. The hat traversed long and hard over the rushing rapids of Oklahoma, but it was just too much. He lived his last moments fulfilling his life long goal of protecting men out at sea. The river in Tahlequah gained a good hat that day. RIP.
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HELP WANTED: Lego storyboard maker

This job is temporary. The best Lego storymaker happens to be out of the country for a short while, so there are large shoes to fill. The job requirements include: finding the best head/body/cape combos for protagonists, assisting photographer with needed staging issues, and writing hilarious lines for the story. You won't be good enough, but it's best to continue the legacy that has been started. See an example of previous work below left.

WANTED: Cat Entertainer

Two cats currently reside in their kingdom and need a peasant to help keep them entertained when they so feel like it. The past entertainer has left the premises for bigger things, but will be back in different intervals. Anyway, the cats need a play thing and their aunt/co-owner person also needs a cat entertainer to fall in love with all over again. See picture below for past perfect entertainer.

Fourth of July- Introvert Style

Saturday, July 4th, 12am

Norman, OK, United States

Norman, OK

Unlike the event title suggests, this day was the best national holiday anyone could have asked for. It involved reading, staying in, listening to the rain, and reminiscing over the past year of the introverted interactions. This year may have even superceded the prior year- the one with the making up a game in the corner- because this year the people involved actually knew the other was interested in some sort of romantic way. 2014 even had physical proof that romantic interests existed... So props to those patriots who celebrated the good ol' U.S. of A. in the most unorthodox of ways!
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House for Rent

Don't be fooled by this picture. This two bedroom living space in Norman, OK will be a perfect place for any young person. The kitchen cabinets stay open after perusal, so you will never have to guess what's inside them! It doesn't come with a washer or dryer, but it does come with hook ups for them so you're reminded that one day you won't have to borrow your girlfriend's appliances. The living room has enough space for two couches, but warning: the girl you like might sit on the other couch instead of the one you're on, so you'll have to tell her to sit next to you if you go for the two-couch option. The bathroom cabinets have enough storage for the 15 tubes of toothpaste you have saved up, so don't worry about that. The bedroom is well lit and enjoyable in case you happen to spend all day in bed with your loved one. The thermostat can go above 60 degrees, but it rarely does because the previous owner liked to live in the arctic. Note: try putting a feeder in the backyard. You'll get some nice-looking birds! (No pictures of birds because they know the ways of humans and evade most tricks.) This is a place you'll have so many wonderful memories in and you'll think of it fondly even after you gtfo of Norman.