How do you experience the emotion?
Let's start with this
On many days and sometimes in family situations, we feel we are not Heard-SEEN-Respected.
You can't imagine how many situations of HSR and how they impact organisations and our daily life. The background image represents the concept, connections, and interconnections we need to handle every emotional day some stronger than others.
Some people believe Pain + Surrender = Expansion.
One of the gifts that difficult experiences give us is that it brings us to the edge of our current capacities to navigate something.
And when this happens, we can either contract and resist or let go and surrender.
When we do that, we find another way to work with something more spacious and not dependent on our ego structure always being in control.
Here are three steps to do this:
1. Ask: What do I know to be true right now that I don't want to accept?
2. Feel your body tensing around this truth and invite it to soften.
3. Say to yourself, "I can't change this moment, but I can meet it with grace. I am held and supported by something much bigger than myself. I am safe, and I will get through this.
Practice Deeper Listening and Empathy with Colleagues
Empathy removes the blocks to action in a way that is inclusive. It creates power through partnership and cocreation, resolving what appears to be knotted and bound. – Dominic Barter
What is made possible? You can foster the empathetic capacity of participants to “walk in the shoes” of others. Many situations do not have immediate answers or clear resolutions. Recognizing these situations and responding with empathy can improve the “cultural climate” and build trust among group members. HSR helps individuals learn to respond in ways that do not overpromise or overcontrol. It helps members of a group notice unwanted patterns and work together on shifting to more productive interactions. Participants experience the practice of more compassion and the benefits it engenders.
Five Structural Elements – Min Specs
1. Structuring Invitation
- Invite participants to tell a story to a partner about a time when they felt that they were not heard, seen, or respected.
- Ask the listeners to avoid any interruptions other than asking questions like “What else?” or “What happened next?”
2. How Space Is Arranged and Materials Needed
- Chairs facing each other, a few inches between knees
- No tables
3. How Participation Is Distributed
- Everyone has an equal amount of time, in turn, to participate in each role, as a storyteller and a listener
4. How Groups Are Configured
- In pairs for the storytelling
- Then foursomes for reflecting on what happened
5. Sequence of Steps and Time Allocation
- Introduce the purpose of HSR: to practice listening without trying to fix anything or make any judgments. 3 min.
- One at a time, each person has 7 minutes to share a story about NOT being heard, seen, or respected. 15 min.
- Partners share with one another the experiences of listening and storytelling: “What did it feel like to tell my story; what did it feel like to listen to your story?” 5 min.
- In a foursome, participants share reflections using 1-2-4, asking, “What patterns are revealed in the stories? What importance do you assign to the pattern?” 5 min.
- As a whole group, participants reflect on the questions, “How could HSR be used to address challenges revealed by the patterns? What other Liberating Structures could be used?” 5 min.
- Reveal how common it is for people to experience not being Heard, Seen, or Respected
- Reveal how common it is for people to behave in a way that makes other people feel they are not being Heard, Seen, or Respected
- Improve listening, tuning, and empathy among teachers/students
- Notice how much can be accomplished simply by listening
- Rely on each other more when facing confusing or new situations
- Offer catharsis and healing after strains in relationships
- Help Teachers/Students discern when listening is more effective than trying to solve a problem
Tips and Traps (for introducing HSR)
- Say, “Your partner may be ready before you. The first story that pops into mind is often the best.”
- Make it safe by saying, “You may not want to pick the most painful story that comes to mind.”
- Make it safe by saying, “Protect carefully the privacy of the storyteller. Ask what parts, if any, you can share with others.”
- Suggest, “When you are the listener, notice when you form a judgment (about what is right or wrong) or when you get an idea about how you can help, then let it go.”
Riffs and Variations
- If you are feeling brave, replace the word “respected” with “loved” (i.e., the agape form of love—seeking the highest good in others without motive for personal gain.)