Bury Yourself in Culture

by: Jonah Watson and Ryan Isenhour

Crucify Your Grandmother!

As Christians, we provide a full-package death plan. Once your closest loved one kicks the bucket, send them to us! A pastor well educated in the Christian religion will oversee the funeral. He will pray and bless the deceased. After this, loved ones are welcome to say a few words, or even crack a joke about the deceased. This time should not be completely dreary, your loved one now has a better life in heaven! After the funeral, a reception will be held with tasty snacks such as deviled eggs.

Mummify Your Muslim!

For people of Muslim religion, we offer a rich experience. We will have someone well educated in the Muslim religion come recite passages from the Koran just before your loved one dies. Remember, he or she is now transitioning to a better place. "Allah giveth and Allah taketh away". We will not embalm or cremate your dearest due to your beliefs. Once deceased, we will then cover the body with a clean sheet. Along with the community, we will provide food the family for three days after the passing of your loved one.

It's Just Rite:

Guaranteed to Bring the Family Together!

Indian Embalming

We recommend that you send passed loved ones to us Native Americans! We take death very seriously and have a powerful medicine man oversee the entire ritual. We have certain death rituals that even involve pipe smoking and gifts. Yes, you can have gifts including Jewelry, food, and sacrificed animals. We even have medicine men and other tribal leaders guide you or your loved one’s spirit into the afterlife by openings in the burial site. Please join us on the journey to the afterlife!