A Guide To Bunburying
by: Susie Holmes
What is Bunburying?
Have you ever wanted to get away from your useless coworkers or irritating boss? How about take some time off from your family? If so, Bunburying is for you. Bunburying is when you create an alter ego so you can get away from unwanted responsibilities and burdens. Want to get out of a tough job at work? Oh! Your poor brother, Elliot, is extremely sick and you need to be there for him. Want to get out of a family vacation? You can't! You have a terrible amount of work to catch up on.
Step 1: Who Are You?
You can't live two separate lives if you are the same person in both of them! In order to Bunbury correctly, you will need to...
- Create a fake name. Make it believable as you don't want to risk getting caught by saying you're off to see Harry Potter.
- Create a new appearance. This means new clothes, new shoes, different makeup, (different) wig. Don't change yourself too drastically because you'll need to be able to change back when the time comes.
- Create a new personality. In one life, you might be the serious and boring one, but with Bunburying, you have the opportunity to be the fun and quirky one.
- Choose a location in which you will be Bunburying. It shouldn't be in the same city in which you live but it shouldn't be in another state/country. There should be about a 45 minute to an hour's drive between both locations.
Step 2: Your Cover-Up
It might be hard to run two lives if you only have one cell phone, one house, and one car. In order to be successful and not arouse suspicion, you should double up...
- Buy a second phone. With having a phone for each life, you can keep your different friends, colleagues, and even families separate.
- Buy or rent an apartment or house. If you want to have someone "spend the night", you can't bring them back to a house where your wife/husband and kids are! Having another house protects your mail from being seen by your spouses. It's best to spend a few extra dollars to ensure these things don't happen.
- Buy a new car. Bunburying can get pricey after you've taken extra precautions, so an old, used car is a-ok. Having another car ensures that neighbors and friends don't ask questions about why you never seem to be at home.
Step 4: Keeping Your Secret
It's extremely important that you make sure NO ONE finds out about your double life. If you have a best friend who you trust with everything, DO NOT tell them. An argument and the want for payback may have your best friend slipping a few words to your family and friends... It's best to keep your alter ego a secret.
What if I get caught?
This would be the time to remember the backup plan you created in Step 3. Maybe your plan included a foreign accent or a different way of walking. If someone stops you and asks if you are Joe, you might reply in a proper English accent that no, you are not Joe, but are in fact William. Whatever accent you may have chosen, make sure that it sounds legit. You don't want to sound like a phony or you will be in deep trouble.
What if I can't afford to rent an apartment/ house?
You don't necessarily have to get an apartment or house. You should however at least get a P.O. box so your alter's mail doesn't get discovered.
What if I accidentally use the wrong disguise or name?
Switching around and remembering all the facts can get tricky. If you do happen to use the wrong disguise, just laugh about it and say that you were just messing around that you were seeing what peoples reactions would be.
What should I do if I use the wrong phone?
If you use the wrong phone while calling someone and you realize after it's too late, pretend you accidentally called the wrong number. (Then dash home to get the right phone!)