Love Advice

from Grant Hoesel

The Letter #295

Dear Grant,

I have read your column for years, but I never thought that I would be writing to you. I've tried going to meetings of "women who love to much" but i'm still hurting, so i thought maybe you could help me. My problem is that the guy I love doesn't want to be in the same room with me. what should I do? He is in love with my best friend and who she likes now likes me.

From, a person who shall not be named.

(P.S., i am not voldemort.)

My letter back

Dear Voldemort,

i understand where you are coming from. I've had a lot of letters similar to this. So here are 2 ways to get Demetrius to like you back.

Number 1: give Demetrius bacon. I mean, there are no cons what so ever besides it might be unhealthy. Unless Demetrius is a vegetarian, this is the way to go.

Number 2: ask out Demetrius on a date. Its less effective, but he might change his mind, but he could reject you. If i were you, i would stay with the bacon, but do what pleases you.

so if you go out on a date, don't make things uncomfortable. Stay cool and good luck and don't forget about the bacon.