Bigfoot Existence Verified
Renowned mystical creature hunters find undeniable evidence
The Fellowship of Adventuring Kreature Enthusiasts (FAKE)
Box of Ghost Essence
"Many may think this looks like a normal plastic container," supernatural expert Judd said, "but our team of ghost hunters has managed to put approximately one trillion invisible ghouls of various species in this box."
Chief Executive Coordinator of Cryptid Hunting Ethan Judd next to indubitable footprint of Bigfoot
With the hunt for supernatural beings making little progress in the past decades, a new team of experts dedicated to finding and observing and capturing (polysyndeton) unseen creatures is finally making leaps and bounds in their field. Paranormal Monster Hunters Ethan Judd, Kevin Yuan, and Taeeun Kim, or "The Fellowship of Adventuring Kreature Enthusiasts (FAKE)," have recently claimed and proven the existence of Bigfoot, in addition to having published several research studies on invisible ghosts. The Onion recently interviewed the team on their accomplishments.
"I believe that the crowning achievement of our career was capturing the Sasquatch," said FAKE member Kim. "It was sort of a big deal. (Euphemism) We've been searching the world for him for 35 years, in places such as Canada, North America, Borneo, the Marianas Trench, Canada (asyndeton). The whole time we were thinking, 'Bigfoot! Where are you?' (apostrophe)"
Judd expressed similar sentiments to Kim. "It was an honor to capture such a magnificent beast," he said. "It was a shame that he managed to escape right before the cameras showed up (metonymy). The coincidence couldn't have been timed worse."
Yuan said this achievement was on par with the team's recent capture of over one quadrillion species of ghosts, in an extensive study FAKE undertook. "It was truly an adventure," Yuan said. "There's nothing better than being out in the dark woods with two of your best friends, running around, sucking up all the ghosts you find. In our hands (zeugma), we carried our Specter Vacuum Tubes and the potential to prove the impossible. It's an amazing career. And to all the non believers out there--look at us now. We have all the evidence to prove the existence of the supernatural. We have documented over one million species of ghosts, and collected them in a set of Tupperware. We have photographed Bigfoot footprints, and even captured the beast himself, never mind that no one other than us saw him. We have done the impossible."Truly, FAKE is changing the definition of reality.