Week 12: Overtaking Brian for 1st

What part do you like best?

Take it all you naspy jezebel

Good news for people named Matt Brown

Quick Midseason Report

Here's how the LOTNs add up so far. It's obviously a rather arbitrary parameter, but it looks like some teams are dropping the ball (cough RyLu shocker) when lined up against their place in the standings. Other teams (cough ELBOWS shocker) are overachieving. Obviously it has nothing to do with luck bro, that's garbage.

  1. CatPasey: 15
  2. NeonDion PewpMachine: 14
  3. Dangleberry Droplets: 11
  4. Joan Smoothers: 9
  6. The Malkin-g Dead: 9
  7. Fiber Frenzy: 6
  8. The Cat's Meow: 5
  9. Zamboners: 5
  10. Hot Ice Beast: 4

Don't look, I might poop

It has come to my attention that the NeonDion PewpMachine has snuck into 3rd place. Pete wanted me to let everyone know that since his name change from the Pauly Ds of yesteryear (RIP) to the NeonDion PewpMachine, he has gone 7-2. It will be interesting to see what happens with the real NeonDion given his new 7 year contract extension. Either way, enjoy the hot streak you horned hobgoblin........ELBOWS NEVER FORGET

Lines of the Night

Monday: The Malkin-g Dead: 4g, 8a, +5, 16pim, 4ppp, 22sog, 16fw, 14hit, 7blk, 3.01gaa, 52sv, .897sv%

Friday: The Malkin-g Dead: 6g, 7a, +7, +0, 1ppp, 17sog, 22fw, 17hit, 3blk

Saturday: THAT IS NOT AN ELBOW: 4g, 6a, -2, 2pim, 5ppp, 26sog, 29fw, 11hit, 9blk

Sunday: Hot Ice Beast: 3g, 7a, +0, 6pim, 5ppp, 30sog, 45fw, 13hit, 10blk, 18sv, 1sho

Week 12 Matchups

How to Skin a Cat: Part 8 (ELBOWs 9, Meows 3):

"Today I will play like a champion" - Ged
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Ryan stands ground against the Power (Beast 6, Droplets 6):

Omgggggggg a single +/- could have swung it omgggg. Saksen took it to Ryan repeatedly this week, but Ryan parried the mandible throws with a couple open palmed slaps of his own. Saksen went the way of the PewpMachine by picking up Lack ftsw (for the shutout win), but Ryan ended up taking GAA and SV% with a saucy Lehtonen-only approach. Ps - a 4:13am Eddie Lack add-to-shutout? Good one Charlie.

Brian is dodd (Malkin-g 11, Smoothers 1):

Sweet sog Brian

Lolz (Frenzy 6, Zamboners 5):

Jajajajajajajajajaja rojorojorojorojorojorojorojorojorojorojo lolololololololololololololol

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Ps I'm the Wingstop bandit ;)

Pop that Pasey don't stop (Neon 10, Pasey 2):

Well Pat, at least you're not Brian. Are you sure you don't want to pick up all the Kings' minor league goalies? I think there are some high school prospects you could stash, too.

There's not much anyone can do right now to stop Pete, unless you want to break into his apartment and take away his lotion and dream catchers. Landeskog and Hall were droppin dongles all week, and had almost as many goals as Pat's team combined. Ovi shut up just as much as Pat will this NYE - that's quite a bit of shutting up.

Week 12 Awards

Waiver Wire Wizard: Hot Ice Beast

Wah: Zamboners

Bieber Fever: Fiber Frenzy

Horseshoes and Hand Grenades: Zamboners

Tight BuTThole: Zamboners

Desk Pop: The Malkin-g Dead

Week 13 Predictions

Malkin-g ELBOWs: I like my odds this week, even though Austin is twerking like a madman. GOALIES BRING ME HOME. ELBOWs 7, Dead 5

Cat Droplets: I think Stoney Baloney will take down the Cat to perpetuate the fantasy shaming. If Backes and Spezza come back there's a chance for reline revival, but Burns and Pavs can't hold up the ship forever. Dangleberries 8, Meows 4

Pasey Beast: Pat will get back on track this week, but he will have to go through Saksen's happy trail of tears. It'll be a close one. Pasey 7, Beast 6

Joan Fiber: The Battle of Flavor Country went in Brian's favor 7-6, but with BriChi's team on the rocks, anything is possible. LET DEM COMPETE. Frenzy 6, Joan 6

Boner Pewps: Mmmm I like where this is going. Charlie's will to make playoffs is only matched by Pete's gay porn hardness. Possible matchup of the week? Dion 7, Zamz 5

Okay you silly bitches, as of tonight I will be in Tahoe playing human centipede with Chris, RyLu, and Pat - eat your hearts out, and FIRST GAME