Nutshells and Challenges
"Children go where there is excitement...they stay where there is LOVE."
Greetings! I hope you have been staying warm, enjoying the sunshine (even though it's frigid out there), and enjoying those people who are most important to you! I know that you are being barraged with information from all sides and appreciate you spending some of your time with me. My hope is to provide you with some bitesize strategies to make your life easier.
Howard Glasser, the founder of the Nurtured Heart Approach, has created some principle videos that were shared in a previous musing and found HERE. In them, he summaries why conventional methods for directing children’s behavior fail and provides the transformational alternative- NHA. Here is a synopsis:
1. Adults are never too busy for an emergency. Children inadvertently learn that we are more exciting, compelling, and alive when they are behaviorally challenging. In those moments, they are able to smell our perfume and feel our heartbeat as we lean in and give them a jolt of our energy.
This is the basis for Stand One- ABSOLUTELY NO- I refuse to energize negative behavior.
2. Our responses when things are going well pale in comparison. We give a “good job” or “thank you” in an unenergized way. Children do not know exactly what they are being appreciated or recognized for.
Instead, we want to enact Stand Two- ABSOLUTELY YES- I will relentlessly energize the positive.
3. Traditional consequences fail to provide a clear, consistent message. Children are often unsure of when they have crossed the line because the rules aren’t always in play, we give warnings, and the consequences are inconsistent. We give the gift of relationship (our energy) in the exact moment where it will do the opposite of what we want it to do.
This leads us to Stand Three- ABSOLUTELY CLEAR- I will maintain total clarity about rules that demonstrate fair and consistent boundaries.
That’s NHA in a nutshell. Easy right?!
This week’s challenge:
Lean into every moment. No matter the age of your child(ren), when you see them being resilient, helpful, kind, patient, a hard worker, artist, lighthearted, sincere, respectful, persistent, relentless, joyful, independent, self-controlled, sincere, focused, efficient, determined, flexible, etc…. and say it out loud. In detail. Relentlessly. Let them smell your perfume and feel your heartbeat as you let them know the greatness you see in them in the smallest of moments.
Let me know how this goes! You will probably get a “thank you” with a puzzled look. Or a “why are you talking that way?” with a puzzled look.
Reach out with any questions you have or support you may need.
To your (and your child’s) GREATNESS, HUMANITY, AND SIGNIFICANCE!!!
Amy
Nuggets you may have missed:
Most recent entry at the top.