What NOT To Do
What is a Helicopter Parent?
- "Those who micromanage every aspect of their child’s life, right from school, daily life, friends, clothes" (Bharati 44)
- Overparenting is the effect of attempting to save a child from any harm or disappointment in life (Cortes)
- "A metaphor for parents to hover over their kids from birth through adulthood, overseeing their decisions and bailing them out of sticky situations" (Khidekel)
- You never sit down or talk to another adult on the playground-too much jungle-gym spotting to do! Also, your child never plays in the yard alone
- Your child needs you to negotiate everything, from sandbox skirmishes to sleepover drama.
- You prefer to guide her activities rather than let her indulge in free play.
- You micromanage playdates, fretting over the other parents' rules and sending snacks.
- Your child needs you to talk her through disagreements with friends or roommates before she addresses them.
- It's painful for you to watch your kid get frustrated; you rush in to help.
- Choose her college for her? Of course.
- You think it's fine to call her college professors to argue a deadline or get progress reports (Wallace)
Failure is NOT an Option
- "Let a child exhibit a flicker of talent for math and she’s suddenly on the precalculus track. Show even the slightest interest in music or sports and some adult comes along and boils off the joy. 'You get kids involved in dance or gymnastics or chess, and the coaches get so excited about the talent they're seeing that they push too hard, and in some ways it cuts off the children's interests,' says psychologist and child-development expert Laurie Kramer of the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. 'We force kids to focus prematurely'" (Kluger)
- To a growing degree, parents want to prevent failure, mostly stemming from the fact that these parents want to fulfill their unfulfilled dreams (Rivera)
- Parents tend to critique their kids’ homework very harshly to avoid anything but a perfect grade, often times they even take control of the project themselves (Rivera)
- "So to protect their child from the emotional upheaval they might face due to failure on his part, the parent takes the reins in his/her hands to protect the child from unpleasant feelings" (Bharati 45)
Lack of Good Relationships
- "Parents’ attention turns to child when marriage is not going well. Relies on the child to provide love." (Bharati 45)
- "Parents need to be there to listen and support but not solve the problem for them" (Bharati 45)
- "There’s a growing concern among college administrators that parents to not make this adjustment and attempt to control their college-aged children" (Schiffran 549)
- The attempt to become a super-parent often derives from the competition against other parents to be the best and have the most motivated and productive kid, this almost always backfires (Rivera)
- By over protecting a child, the parent does not let him do things on his own or learn stuff at all. The parent is there to prevent the child from doing anything on his own or committing a mistake and learning from that. Hides the child's learning and the child then never will become self-sufficient and will always depend on others in his life. (Bharati 46)
The Child's Well-being
- "From 2004 to 2014, the number of children participating in up to three hours of after-school activities on any given day rose from 6.5 million to 10.2 million" (Kluger)
- A psychologist at Utrecht Univeristy stated, a "study found that inflated praise can actually make kids feel worse rather than better by raising the pressure to keep performing at unrealistic levels" (Kluger)
- "The self esteem movement that started in the 1970’s has been an unalloyed good for children who would otherwise be marginalized physically, developmentally or socially. But it’s had some unintended consequences, ushering in the era of relentless praise, in which everyone gets a medal for showing up" (Kluger)
- "While some of you were annoyed with your parents being so involved, many more if you don't mind – or even prefer it, marking a shift in attitude from previous generations of jeans, who are embarrassed by their parents involvement" (Khidekel)
- Parents tend to get exactly what they try to avoid when overparenting: an undermotivated student with a huge lack of confidence (Cortes)
- Mothers that are too directive in play(i.e. keeping things wholesome), according to studies, tend to have far more depressed and less creative children than mothers who allow for creativity (Rivera)
Let Your Child Take Risks
- "Experts believe that helicopter parents can have a crippling affect on your future success… It delays your maturation… It may prevent you from getting into the college of your choice. When our admission staff interview students, they look for a strong sense of independence, work ethic, and ability to deal with disappointment. If a parent has been sweeping in every time something bad happens and fixing it, the student won’t have those qualities" (Khidekel)
- "A 2006 survey conducted by Experience, Inc., A Boston-based career service website, found that 50% of college students moved home after graduating and 32% of them remained there more than a year, these students are called boomerang kids" (Khidekel)
- "There are some parents who just don’t want their child to grow up, hence they shadow them in their life and make them dependent on them so that the child does not become independent, it's a psychological aspect of the parent to want to control. He or she is a control freak and hence, they control every aspect of how the child spends time and with whom, when he should do what, how he must live, how he must talk – just everything" (Bharati 45)
- Parents’ constant hovering “robs the child of chance to live with consequences” (Cortes)
- Helicoptering, especially being overprotective leads to a sense of entitlement in children that will tend to rub teachers and peers the wrong way (Cortes)
- Mother cites an experience in which she went on a trip to Paris and the French parents were far from overprotective and the kids didn’t get hurt, despite fighting with sticks and other methods of play that would be considered dangerous by the average helicopter parent (Rivera)
- "Helicopter parents are more likely to experience anger, worry, self-consciousness, and vulnerability" (Wallace)
BHARATI, PRAGYA. "OmMAsinipresent Parents." Sahara Time 11.519 (2013): 44. MasterFILE Complete. Web. 10 Nov. 2015.
CORTES, IVANA. "Tiger Moms, Get Off Your Hovering Helicopters." USA Today Magazine143.2832 (2014): 26. MasterFILE Complete. Web. 10 Nov. 2015.
Gillespie, Nick. "Millennials Are Selfish And Entitled And Helicopter Parents Are To Blame." Time.Com (2014): 1. MasterFILE Complete. Web. 10 Nov. 2015.
Khidekel, Marina. "Are Your Parents Ruining Your Life?." Cosmo Girl 10.9 (2008): 112. MasterFILE Complete. Web. 10 Nov. 2015.
Kluger, Jeffrey. "In Praise Of The Ordinary Child." Time 186.5 (2015): 54. MasterFILE Complete. Web. 10 Nov. 2015.
Rivera, Miquela. "Priming The Pump... Why Helicopter Parents Should Be Grounded." Hispanic Outlook In Higher Education 25.15 (2015): 44. MasterFILE Complete. Web. 10 Nov. 2015.Schiffrin, Holly, et al. "Helping Or Hovering? The Effects Of Helicopter Parenting On College Students' Well-Being." Journal Of Child & Family Studies 23.3 (2014): 548. MasterFILE Complete. Web. 10 Nov. 2015.
Wallace, Jennifer Breheny, et al. "Help For The Hovering Mom." Real Simple (2013): 88. MasterFILE Complete. Web. 10 Nov. 2015.
Picture Work Cited
"Brighten a Bad Relationship with Your Parents." GirlsLife.com -. N.p., 18 May 2011. Web. 11 Nov. 2015.
"Helicopter Parenting: Why It's Not Good for
Your Teen." TeenLife Media. N.p., 8 Apr. 2014. Web. 11 Nov. 2015.
"How Have You FAILED Today? (and, Who Might "find Out" about It...)." Allthingslearning. N.p., 19 Mar. 2012. Web. 11 Nov. 2015.
"How to Teach Your Child to Play with Fire Rather than Curse the Darkness." Red State. N.p., 18 Jan. 2015. Web. 12 Nov. 2015.