The Athetian Times

'Positive' Matchmaker (Alexis Copeland)

Dear The Positive Matchmaker,

I have read your columns for years, but I would never thought that I would be writing to you. I've tried going to meetings of "Woman Who Love too Much" but I'm still hurting, so I thought maybe you could help me. My problem is that the guy I love doesn't want to be in the same room with me and he loves another girl! She is perfect, at least according to him.... Should I act like her? Should I move on? (Highly unlikely...) I need some positive advice!! He is burning my heart, I feel like a Roasting Marshmallow over a burning hot and agitated flame...
Roasting Marshmellow Heart


Dear Roasting Marshmallow Heart,

So, your dream guy hates you with all his: heart, soul, and mind. Your life sucks. I've never actually had experience with this kind of topic, so I'm going to wing it.

Your first choice is to move on, and/or suck it up! I'm sure there is someone who has to fall for someone as hopeless as you, because someone fell for my sister! someone is going to come around, at least you hope. But, the worst that could happen to you is frightful: you could die alone, you could be invited to their wedding, or named Godmother of their firstborn....

Your second choice is, well, i don't know. You could convince him she's not worth loving. Point something out about her that's just weird. (Just make sure you don't do it yourself.)

So, in conclusion, your life sucks. Live with it. Deal with it. So sorry, I guess.

Sincerely, (but not really)

The Positive Matchmaker

(Hope it was as positive enough because that's the best I can do.)