Inner Balance
December
Exciting upcoming events at Dawson Middle School to look out for!
Hope Squad Nominations
Final Exams
Online Study Skills Course
Friend time
It isn’t easy making a best friend these days. A number of obstacles can get in the way as kid tries to cultivate strong friendship bonds — aka, a best friend.
Gone are the days of running around the neighborhood with your best buddies until dinnertime. Nearly gone are the tree house hangouts and the baring of souls at slumber parties. There is too much homework and too many electronic alternatives. There is the beckon of pervasive social networks and the changing dynamics of the modern family. And then there is the changing of suburbia itself.
Although the majority of kids tend to meet their best friend at school, school dynamics and cultures are changing. Toward middle and high school, cliques are typically broken up to prevent or combat bullying and classrooms are often shuffled for size and ability. Lunch time is shorter, as is the time between classes.
Many kids have their afternoons packed with programmed activities. According to Fred Frankel, author of “Friends Forever,” daily extracurriculars tend to drain friendships. Although some extracurricular activities allow kids to find companions with common interests, he says that daily after school programming cannot replace the benefits of spending one-on-one time with a best friend.
Social networking, online gaming and texting can help maintain close friendships when close friends are apart, but overall, typical online friendships create mostly superficial friendships.
Millie Ferrer and Anne Fugate in their University of Florida article “The Importance of Friendship for School-Age Children” say close friends are vital to school-age children’s healthy development. Research shows that children who lack friends can suffer emotionally later in life. Friendships are not just playmates — they help children learn social skills, such as how to communicate, cooperate and solve problems. They practice controlling their emotions and responding to the emotions of others. They develop the ability to think through and negotiate different situations that arise in their relationships.
Friends and academics
Having a good friend affects a child’s school performance, too. Children tend to have better attitudes about school and learning when they have their good friends there.
Teachers notice the subtle impact of friendships — good students tend to hang out with good students. Grades matter, projects and assignments are always done and achievement is a common thread. The carefree students hang out with other carefree students. Being cool and popular is most important. In this group, doing well in school can even be ridiculed.
So at the beginning of every school year, when I give my “welcome to real world: middle school” talk to my sixth graders, I make it a point to emphasize to them that the friends they chose this year may determine the academic path they take in the years to come. So choose wisely...”
What parents can do to help their child make friends
Children are not born with social skills. Parents need to help prepare them to interact successfully with peers. A parent’s love, acceptance and respect for their child help him/her develop the basic trust and self-confidence necessary to go out and develop bonds with others.
Parents are role models who, by their own behavior, can teach children how to meet people and talk to them, to cooperate with others and to ask for favors. Parents can teach how to win or lose well, to apologize and accept apologies and how to be patient, respectful, and considerate. Parents can help their child learn how to be the type of person others like to be around.
Ferrer and Fugate provide some things you can do to promote long lasting friendships for your child:
▪ Provide your child with opportunities to spend time with other children. Invite other children to your house to play or let your child participate in clubs, classes or teams. For older kids, make your home inviting so that your child wants to invite friends over, respect their privacy and provide them with guidelines that will allow them to talk/text with their friends.
▪ Help your child learn games and sports. Being able to play games and sports tends to be important for school-age children. It is easier to join in and have fun if they know the rules and have the basic skills to become a participant. Make sure not to let the sport become a drill or drudgery.
▪ Set clear rules for appropriate behavior. A child learns social skills in part through family rules about how to treat others. When you need to discipline your child, remember that he will imitate your actions. How you treat him when he breaks a rule will influence how he responds to others. Be firm, kind and respectful when you express your expectations of him.
▪ Teach your child how to handle different social situations. You probably began to teach your toddler how to share and how to say please and thank you. Continue coaching your child as she grows older and encounters more social situations.
▪ Talk with your child. Spend some time every day talking with your child. This time is not for giving instructions or lecturing, but just for talking about the day’s events or things that interest both of you. When your child is talking, make sure you are listening. Talking with your child will not only help you keep up with him, but it will also let him practice the very important social skill of holding a conversation.
▪ Help your child learn to see others’ points of view. Around the age of 6 or 7, children are more able to understand others’ feelings and points of view. Help your child develop this ability by talking about different situations. For example, when reading with your child, stop and ask how a character is feeling and why he does certain things. Or when your child tells you about situation at school, ask how she thinks the people felt and why they acted as they did.
▪ Help your child learn to manage negative feelings and solve problems. Being able to manage negative feelings and work out problems are important skills in getting along with others. First, help your child identify the situation. For example, say, “It sounds like you’re upset because Jamie didn’t include you in the game.” Then help him brainstorm solutions to the situation. Talk about the solutions he comes up with and have him pick one.
▪ Do not sweat the small stuff. Fitting in with friends is very important to school-age children (and becomes increasingly important as children near adolescence). Recognize how important it is to your child. She and her friends may do things that seem silly to you. For example, you may not like how children this age like to dress. However, if your child’s behavior is not dangerous or offensive, do not sweat the small stuff.
What You as a Parent Can Do To Help
- Model healthy relationships with others. The #1 place where teens learn about relationships is in their families. What they learn from and experience with parents and siblings has a lot of influence on how they find and get along with friends.
- Maintain a positive relationship. When parents have positive relationships with their teens, their teens are more likely to form more positive relationships with their peers, including healthy romantic relationships. A positive parent-teen relationship is one that is warm, caring, and emotionally open while also setting boundaries and having high expectations.
- Encourage positive friendships. You can welcome your teen’s friends to your home, support them doing things together, and encourage participation in activities with positive peer groups, such as school activities, youth programs, and religious activities.
- Teach friendship skills. Help your teen learn to strike up a conversation with someone new, show empathy and support to a friend, listen and ask questions, resolve conflicts, set appropriate boundaries, and other skills that lead to positive, meaningful relationships with peers.
- Know your teen’s friends. Keep track of where teens spend time, who they’re with, and what they’re doing. Then you have the opportunity to ask questions or offer additional encouragement for the friendships, depending on the situation.
- Express concerns, ask questions, and set limits, when necessary. If you are uncomfortable with some friends and do not believe they are a positive influence, talk about your concerns with your teen, teaching him or her how to think about relationships. Be open and willing to listen to what your teen has to say about these friends, and also talk about what makes you nervous. It’s best not to forbid a friendship, unless it is putting your teen in danger.
- Create an inviting home for friends. Make your home a place where your teen’s friends like to hang out. (Snacks always help!) Get to know them while they are relaxed and open to conversation. If there are activities they want to attend together, offer to drive or supervise the outing.
- Don’t jump to conclusions based on appearances. Don’t judge your adolescent’s friends based on their dress, hairstyle (or color), appearance, interests, or other external factors. Remember that teens sometimes “try on” different identities and interests as a way of expressing their independence. Over-reacting with negative comments can make it less likely that friends will let you get to know them.
- Do pay attention to warning signs. If teens are hanging out with people who are much older, or if they are overly secretive about friends and what they are doing, monitor the situation more closely. Be less enthusiastic about these friendships, since your teen will sense your concern. If you have reason to suspect harmful activities (such as premature sexual activity, alcohol, tobacco, or other drug use), be assertive and clear about your concerns and your expectations.
- Connect with your teen’s friends’ parents. Get to know the parents or guardians of your teen’s friends. You will often find that they share your values and priorities and that you can work together to ensure that the friendships are positive for everyone.
- Practice peer pressure resistance strategies. Role-play different scenarios with teens so they have practice saying “no” in difficult situations. This strategy can help your teen be prepared and know how to respond when a sticky situation comes up. Focus on strengthening these resistance strategies:
- Get the person’s attention. Use the person’s name. Make eye contact. Say, “Please listen to me!” Just getting the person to stop and pay attention can shift the energy and momentum, making it easier to resist the pressure.
- State your “no” decision. Use “I” messages and a firm voice. Reinforce the decision with body language. You don’t have to get defensive or explain everything. A firm “No, I do not want to do that” shows confidence and commitment.
- Use self-control. Restate the “no” decision. Suggest an alternative subject, if appropriate. Or simply leave. Getting angry or arguing is rarely productive in the heat of the moment. Rather, your goal is to get away from the situation. If needed, discussing the issues can happen at another time when there’s less pressure.
- Recruit other help. Chances are that you’re not the only one who’s uncomfortable doing things that you believe are unsafe or wrong. Your stance will often be respected, and others may follow your lead. If it’s an ongoing situation, you can talk with others who share your perspective and come up with a strategy together.
- Try other ways to say “no". Use humor. Change the focus of the conversation. Reverse the pressure in a positive direction. Sometimes the humorous response defuses the situation, particularly if the humor follows a clear “no” statement.
- Share your perspective with your teen. When talking about a friend who you believe may be a negative influence, focus on the friend’s behaviors, not on his personality. For example, instead of calling your teen’s friend irresponsible for smoking, you could point out that the behavior has a negative effect on the friend’s health and recommend ways for your teen to help the friend quit.
- Set boundaries. Teens can want to spend all their time with their friends or with their boyfriend or girlfriend. Insist that they also spend time at home and meet their other responsibilities. Be sure your teen participates in family gatherings and events (potentially inviting a friend to come along sometimes).
- Investigate if your teen doesn’t have friends. Some young people are introverted and don’t want or need a lot of friends. But spending a lot of time alone and not having any friends can also be a warning sign that your teen is isolated or having trouble with peer relationships. Ask about it. Check with teachers or other school personnel to see if they have concerns. (Sometimes teens interact well at school, but need alone time at home.) Losing interest in friends for several weeks may indicate depression or other issues. You may also consider seeking help from a counselor if your concerns persist.
- Keep your relationship a top priority. When parents have positive relationships with their teens, their teens are more likely to form more positive relationships with their peers, including healthy romantic relationships. A positive parent-teen relationship is one that is warm, caring, and emotionally open while also setting boundaries and having high expectations. Even if you are concerned about friends and their influence, do not let your worries drive a wedge between you and your teen. Work hard to maintain your relationship, even while expressing your worries. When you express concerns, be sure to reinforce your love for your teen. Your influence will be greater in the long run if you do what you can to maintain a positive relationship.
Hope Squad is a school-based peer support program. Hope Squad members are students selected and trained to recognize if they or their peers are at risk for suicide and how to help.
Study Skills Help
Are you looking for ways to help your student gain valuable study skills? DMS is proud to offer an online study skills course available through Canvas. Students will discover their learning styles, get tips on organization, learn different note-taking methods, and more. This is an ungraded, self-paced course that can be done in the comfort of your own home. It is designed only as an introduction to encourage students to explore different ways to study. If you are interested, please complete the Google Form and your student will later receive a link to join the course.
Final Exam Schedule Semester 1
Semester 1 Exam Schedule
Tuesday, December 18, 2018
1st Period Exam 8:40 – 10:10
3rd Period Exam 10:20 - 11:50
4th Period 11:55 – 12:25
5th Period 12:30 – 1:00
6th Period 1:05 - 1:35
2nd Period 1:40 – 2:20
8th Period 2:25 – 3:00
9th Period 3:05 – 3:40
Wednesday, December 19, 2018
9th Period Exam 8:40 – 10:10
8th Period Exam 10:20 - 11:50
4th Period 11:55 – 12:25
5th Period 12:30 – 1:00
6th Period 1:05 - 1:35
1st Period 1:40 – 2:20
2nd Period 2:25 – 3:00
3rd Period 3:05 – 3:40
Thursday, December 20, 2018
5th Period Exam 9:00 - 10:30
Advisory/Lunch 10:35 - 11:05
6th Period Exam 11:10 – 12:40
Friday, December 21, 2018
Advisory 8:40 - 8:55
2nd Period Exam 9:00 - 10:30
Advisory/Lunch 10:35 - 11:05
4th Period Exam 11:10 – 12:40
What does it mean to have a certified HeartMath Coach at Dawson Middle School?
Your Counselor's can help your child boost resilience, composure and clarity!
The HeartMath Building Personal Resilience™ program is a focused and practical program, combining personalized coaching with scientifically validated tools to help your child self-regulate their body’s response to stress and build resilience. They will learn life-long skills you can use any time to increase well-being, personal and academic performance and quality of life experience.
Be sure to contact your child's grade level counselor for more details!
DMS Counselos
Amy Hurlburt
8th grade counselor
amy.hurlburt@southlakecarroll.edu
Katrina Tatum
7th grade counselor
katrina.tatum@southlakecarroll.edu
Website: https://www.southlakecarroll.edu/domain/812
Location: 400 South Kimball Avenue, Southlake, TX, USA
Phone: 817-949-5500
Twitter: @DMScounselors