The Writer's Voice #3
Teachers, students, parents celebrating writing
What is it?
An expository...what does it need?
Criteria for a good expository essay.
2. Well developed details that support the "explanation."
3. Well chosen transitions that help the essay flow.
5. Well constructed and varied sentences.
6. Strong conclusion that supports the focused central idea.
F.E.E.D. and S.E.E.D. to develop details for an expository.
E explain
E give an example
D definitions and descriptions
S state your idea
E explain it
E give an example
D definitions
Both similar in words, just choose the one that is easier for you to remember!
Beckett
When you said he was funny, be sure to support it with a specific detail. Did he tell good jokes, was he the type that just saw things positively? Did he laugh easily?
If you can't think of specific details, then it is better to leave that sentence out.
Thanks for sharing this sweet piece.
Shannon Kramer
You painted a description of a grandmother that was kind, intelligent, but so joyous in spirit. I wish I could have know her.
Beautifully written!
Olivia P.
I love the phrase "spot on perfect attitude!" I also love the use of the word meticulous, but you if you are going to use words like that, give an example of why she is meticulous. Is her room orderly? What does she do that is meticulous?
Great writing, sweetie:)
Shelley Roberts page1
Support, unbridled joy, and someone who stops to enjoy the simplest of things.
Personally, I think you are both lucky.
Shelley Roberts page 2
:)
Tess
I love the specific examples of how your Nanny is special. Most people have brother and sister disagreements, but you explained each one. Your idea on how she helps you do your homework is also well developed.
And, I have noticed your handwriting is getting better and better.
Thanks for sharing this writing...make sure Nanny sees it, too.
Megan Peterson
It is amazing how such simple words take on powerful meaning as we go through life. It is all about choice...and your dad taught you that with a simple expression.
Thanks for sharing...I hope all who read your writing hear his words.
Sophia Peterson
I see you using transitions between your ideas, and you are giving well developed support of each idea.
Great improvement:)
Neel
Your essay is powerful...just slow down and think it through first!
By the way, I think he is lucky to have you, too.
Olivia J. page 1
Thanks for the tribute, but a writing teacher will always say that she is only as good as her students. You are open to learning and give it 100% every day.
Olivia J page 2
Paul Jensen
Please forward this piece to your Superhero Dad.
Christian
When I read this, I felt like you were right next to me sharing the respect and love you have for your dad. I love that you see the important traits a father has to give his son.
I think you are both lucky to have each other.
Beautiful job on developing your ideas. Thanks for the touching piece!
:)
Alison Hellmund page 1
Alison,
How lovely that you see in your son all the qualities that will make him a good man. By having a mom who appreciates who he is will take him to successful places where his confidence will speak volumes.
A writing filled with love...thanks for sharing.
:)
Alison Hellmund page 2
Maddy page 1
Where have you been hiding this amazing talent???
Maddy page 2
Great job:)
Olivia L.
I love the way you give specific details about why your dad works. I see that you understand that money provides the things your family needs, but you also show the other side of your dad...the ways that he spends time with you. Money can't buy that!
Beautiful essay!
Kaylen page 1
Your lead is amazing. The idea of you and Gram being twins is perfectly supported. The Gram, the doctor is also well supported. Then, as your expository ends, you sum up your ideas.
Does perfection fit this writing? Yes, it does.
Kaylen page 2
Amazing!
Gracie
You are an accomplished swimmer, so I need the facts about how she made you better. You started to feed your writing with details when describing the butterfly.
Did she change your position in the water, change your kicks, breathing pattern? You have the right "skeleton" of the essay, you need to add the writerly details.
*Think about starting your essay with a quote from Coach K.
;)
Cole
I love the your fluency. You are improving:)
You writing is full of description! Be careful to tie all you ideas back to the key words in the prompt. "Special person." I would say that you need to do that after each idea. Then it will help your writing stay focused on the "explaining why you dad is special, vs. sounding more like a story telling about things you did with your dad.
I am so very proud of this essay. I know you will keep up the great work!
Yuni page 1
Yuni page 2
Good job, Miss Yuni.
Gracie
You are an accomplished swimmer, so I need the facts about how she made you better. You started to feed your writing with details when describing the butterfly.
Did she change your position in the water, change your kicks, breathing pattern? You have the right "skeleton" of the essay, you need to add the writerly details.
*Think about starting your essay with a quote from Coach K.
;)
Joseph page 1
Your writing made me want to meet your Uncle Ed. You made him sound so fascinating.
Your ideas were organized and well developed.
You had a nice lead and ending, which makes this one of my favorite pieces authored by Joseph!
Joseph page 2
Leah page 1
I loved reading your lead, and like the way you returned to support "giant" later in your writing!
Good support on how he is funny. I like the way you use parentheses to mark your aside.
It was very organized, which can be a challenge for you:)
Leah page 2
Great job!
Jeanene Steinberg page 1
Mine was my grandfather because he always made me think I was the #1 grandchild!
Thanks for bringing up sweet memories...