By Caleb Hermann
$500 dollar reward if caught alive
There have been recent reports saying alkali metals have been attacking people leaving them with the chicken pocks. The only way to stop them is if you get them close or in water. When this happens they will explode. There are only five that remain in all of Decatur, their names are lithium, sodium, potassium, rubidium, and caesium. The sixth one was francium, but he has already been terminated. You can find them in warm areas where there is little or no light. The only time they will attack is at night. they are used to create hydroxides which help prevent other elements from harming us. If you find one immediately call 217-872-1354, they will come take care of it.