A Modest Proposal...

...To Proportionate Models

Sierra Maurer

As a designer in high fashion, I find it very frustrating that I put all my time and effort into making beautiful garments that barely anybody fits into. I do not understand how so many people can live with themselves being so over weight... like size 6? Might as we be size 16... I mean why can't everyone be a thin and fabulous as you and I, darling?

The Petite Problem...

The problem I want to reform is how many people are over weight. This is a big problem, and I mean big literally, darling. Not only is it a disgusting life style, and you look terrible, but you can't even fit into fabulous clothes. While lots of people suffer from this problem, they are not a lost cause. We can correct this fatty infestation and start a new generation of beauty, darling.


A Practical Proposal & Solid Solution...

While we want people to be thin and beautiful, we also want them to do it the right way. We want it to be all natural way of weight loss, because while we're solving one problem why create another- that just doesn't make sense, darling.


If we encourage the all natural ways of Bulimia and Anorexia people will start to see it as I do; magnificent, darling. Think of Bulimia this way, eat what ever you want and satisfy your big piggy bellies, then simply remove it all from your stomach (which we call purging by the way), brush your teeth, and go about your day and in no time you'll look fabulous with out forgetting the taste of your favorite foods, I promise darling.

If you're not up for the whole purging part, then simply take a walk on over to Anorexia's side where you eat next to nothing and again in no time look fabulous and skinny. Personally I prefer Anorexia, because if you forget to purge there is no risk- also you save a ton on groceries! Again, these ways are all natural ways so there is no harmful chemicals getting into your body by using things such as laxatives, illegal drugs, or weight loss substances/ pills, how great is that, darling!

The Proportionate Plan...

First things first, we start by putting up commercials on TV and filling magazines and internet side bars with adds on the advantages of our all natural weightloss, show before and after photos, and "how to's". Then, ban ads for weightless drugs and laxatives as well as sale and possession of these products. Next, fund police to better stop the sale of illegal drugs and put required drug testing at every job. This way only our weightless methods will be the only choice, darling. Then, we start to make children's shows about the benifits and even more "how to's" for the young ones to understand. After that, get science on your side. Notice how young babies shove their handsin their mouths? It's natural and general instinct to make yourself throw up, you see darling. And now, last but not least, every week your weight will be checked and if you fail to make progress towards or meet/maintain your goal weight we set or have been using drugs to help you, you will be tossed in jail- which has essentially become a rehab/ fat camp to watch you since you clearly can't watch your self. This will be paid for by rich people we get on our side as well as a boom in the economy that's sure to come! Fabulous!

The Amazing Advantages...

If you're still not convinced of the benefits of my plan, darling, listen to these advantages that will come along with my plan. First, there would be a economic boom. Why? Well, when you're skinny and fabulous, you need clothes to match, darling. People will buy my expensive clothes and money will be going back into the economy- now that's a win win! Second, with all the food we wont be eating we can send around the world to starving countries, or whatever. I think they look pretty good, but they're convinced they're starving for what ever reason. Third, since we're doing it the all natural way there will be less harmful chemicals being dispersed out into the world and less food is wasted by sending it away. Finally, and most importantly I might add, this will have a huge impact on your social life, darling. I mean, who doesn't wanna be friends with or date someone who is totally thin and gorgeous?


The Exhausting Expedients...

Now, if even that didn't convince you then how about I bring up the other ideas. The ones that sucks and just will not work, darling, no matter how convinced you are that they will. If you argue diet and exercise will work just fine you're absolutely wrong. You'll start gaining muscle and guess what, you'll still be fat. Plus, who has that time and energy? Well, what if you stopped selling the "bad" food people say, or raise the price on it? Again, bad idea. First, you're either going to end up with a lot of rich fatties or a bunch of upset Bulimics who were fallowing the rules and get punished. Also, it'd take a lot of time and money to take all of that crap off the shelves or re-sticker new prices. And, of course, there will be the few, the proud, the brave, idiots who would ask us to change our clothes, to change our industry to fit the fatties. Well, I say never. That would waste billions of dollars on fabrics, re-fitting, photo shoots, etc. Clearly, we need the best solution- my solution.



The Correct Conclusion...

While being a fatty is just plain disgusting and demeaning, it's also unhealthy. It can lead to type 2 diabetes, heart disease, cancer, arthritis, and other weight-related conditions. More than 1/3 or children and adolescence are over weight or obese. This is due to spike even higher by 2030. You might not care about my clothes and that's fine, but please, consider my proposal- for the children.