The Portlandian Gazette

Writing Each Article in the Highest Quality Possible

Looking for Alaska's Advice

To Alaska:

I think I've been infected with Deliria. Every time I see this girl my heart pounds out of my chest. The strange thing is I love it. What do I do to hide it.


Infected and Happy (Alex)

To Infected and Happy:

I recommend you admit it. If you admit it you may be able to get some help. They might be able to cure you and spare you the pain of the crypts. Choose wisely, as you may be executed. BE SMART,

Alaska Young,

Portland's #1 Advice Columnist

*The character of Alaska Young and title are inspired by John Green's 2005 novel, Looking for Alaska

Weekly Movie Review

"Love, the one thing holding society back from it's full potential, is an insidious disease." This week's movie review is for Infected, based on the best selling novel Delirium, written by Lauren Oliver. The plot kicks off with Lena Haloway, an average 17 year old teen living in Portland, Maine. There's only one twist, love is a disease, and it's forbidden, you get the cure at 18, but if you get infected before then, there's no stopping it. Lena's life suddenly changes when she meets Alex, a 19 year old who is cured, or is he? Delirium takes an interesting look at a barren, bland, lifeless society.


17 year old Magdalena Haloway and 19 year old Alex Sheathes were caught with the horrific disease on Thursday night. Many arguments have been made as to what to do with them. Amethyst Kelly and Peter Hernandez both agreed that they should both be thrown in the crypts on a life sentence. Conversely, Katheryn Hudson stated, "She should be spared. She hasn't reached the threshold age for being cured, so she's innocent. On the other, he would be executed, but not just executed, publicly executed." We reached out to the Tiddle family for comment, but they declined to make a statement.

Help Wanted: Fence Guards

Do you want to defend our home? Do you want us to be more secure than any other city in the country? If so, apply for a position as a fence guard. We defend our home from horrific outside invaders. We also make sure NO ONE with Deliria gets out. For applications, go to your nearest fence checkpoint.
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Adertisement: The Cure

Are you terrified of Deliria? If the answer is yes, get the government mandated cure. The Cure gets rid of any chance of infection, protecting you in every possible way. Now you can live your life without fear of becoming infected. Deliria is a horrific disease so, GET CURED TODAY.
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