My Modest Proposal

Getting rid of homelessness so we all may live a better life

The Problem

We live in America, the land of possibilities, but the homeless are making us look bad. People come from all over the world to live here and succeed because they know that this is the place where that happens. But if there are homeless people living here, then they must be doing something wrong, not the U.S. We don't have time to deal with lazy humans who spend the only money they have on drugs and alcohol and choose not to do anything with their life because it's too much work.

The Proposal

My proposal is simple and shall undoubtedly eliminate homelessness in the United States. We must start a word of mouth epidemic in the homeless population that the U.S. government has funded the building of a resort on the face of the moon. The homeless will then board a series of NASA owned rocket ships and shoot off to the moon, forever.

The Plan

In order to implement my proposal, we will have to start a word of mouth epidemic in the homeless population. Since homeless shelters and food shelves are such warm and inviting places for homeless people to congregate, we will put up gorgeous fliers about the wonderful settlement for them on the moon. Those homeless will then tell all of their friends about this incredible place and then they will tell their friends and word will spread like wildfire. Since homeless people are uneducated, it will be very easy to convince them that this is a great idea. NASA has agreed to borrow us a few of their space ships and oxygen tanks, enough oxygen to last a year. After that they will just have to hold their breath. Also, several generous republican party leaders have been gracious enough to donate the money to cover the cost of space travel; they are incredibly patriotic and would do anything to help our country.

The Advantages

There are thousands of obvious advantages to my proposal and every one of them are essential in making the United States the best country ever.


For first, all of the homeless will learn to be self sufficient. Living on their own they will be able to learn how to survive and not be lazy. People will look up to them because they will be traveling through space, just like real astronauts.


Secondly, In the U.S., muggings will decrease drastically. Since the majority of people who steal and mug others to survive will be shipped off to the moon, there will be less people who do it. Along with muggings, the number of drug and alcohol related crimes will decrease. The law enforcement wont have to waste their time with helpless law breakers anymore; they can focus more on more important matters.


Thirdly, the government will finally be able to stop funding homeless programs and shelters. With all of the extra money the government saves they will be able to spend it on causes that actually help people in the U.S. Not only will the government have more money, but so will the hard working tax payers due to the tax cuts that will occur from eliminating homeless shelters and programs.


Fourthly, volunteers at homeless shelters and other homeless programs will be able to spend their time volunteering for better causes. Being surrounded by dirty, smelly, uneducated, individuals who are lazy and addicted to hard drugs and alcohol can be extremely tiring and even traumatizing. Those volunteers have been suffering too long, and for what reason? Trying to change people who refuse to give any effort back.

The Expedients

There is no other possible solution to this problem. I don't want to hear any more ideas, I am here to fix this problem. There is no use in narrow minded ideas: of increasing government spending to fund homeless shelters: of starting training programs to help homeless people become more self sufficient or employable: of increasing therapy and programs to help the homeless with addictions, traumatic pasts, or other mental health issues: lastly, of treating them like human beings who deserves respect or love and increasing public awareness on what homeless people go through and how some become that way.
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The Conclusion

There are homeless people fighting to survive through the hard mid-western winters with only a blanket and shoes; lets do them all a favor and stop the hardships in their life by sending them on a lifelong vacation. I confess that I have been homeless once. But I spent some money I found on the ground and purchased a lottery ticket and struck the jackpot. Now I own a huge house and I have everything I need, but the homeless are making my home city and country look bad. I'm living the high life and I have worked my butt off to get here, I deserve to be surrounded by successful, clean, people. I must save my country.
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