Weeks 4, 5, 6! God, Matt is so fucking smarmy I hate it
Week Six Updated Standings
Important Points to Note:
(3) Saksen and Austin are at the bottom of this league. All is well. Guys, I think Yahoo! offers tutorials on basic strategy if you're interested. I think the first one is about 'being better.'
(4) Ged is surprisingly at .500. This shocks me. He shall be watched.
(5) And just like last year Steggall, Bodow, and Charlie are in the playoff hunt.
Hey. You. Pay Me.
Steggall, Ben, Addison, Charlie, Ged (did you really not pay me?), Austin: OY, fucking pay meeeeeee.
Last Three Weeks in Summary
(2) Munzyball (3-0-0): Second place Charlie only has one loss to his name following up behind Matt. While more vulnerable than Matt, his 33 moves and constant roster updating have kept him one step above. However, he's faced two of the last place teams in the league recently, skewing his numbers.
(3) BeReliablePete (3-0-0) The Former Stixx have dealt with having a short roster well going 3-1 since Jose Reyes went down. The recent addition of Curtis Granderson should help offset the losses of Pierzynski and Reddick to the DL. Surprisingly, their pitching has been stronger than expected. However, similar to the Munzys, the Reliable's have faced 3 of the bottom rung teams in the league. They will not compete without better numbers against the elite teams in the league. Look for their stock to fall.
(4) Jumbaco! Jumbaco! (2-1-0) After the Jumbaco's curbstomp of Josh, they have struggled a bit the past two weeks. A loss to equally talented Bodow overshadows that he nearly lost the week before to fucking Austin who sucks. Steggall is slowing down as the season hits its second phase.
(5) Pterodactyl Ptweenis (2-1-0) Ged is charging hard to reach the top of the standings and it surprisingly in playoff position 1/4 the way through the season. Will Ged continue his charge or will he be more like the Pittsburgh Pirates and fall off in a few months?
(6) Field of Wet Dreamz (2-1-0): Benny Boy making a run of things after a less-than-ideal start. His team won't be elite this season but he may make the last few seeds of the playoffs. He's got the compete-factor in him and I appreciate that, taking down Bodow and Addison the past few weeks. A loss to Ged last week surely hurts team morale.
(7) WhereFistPigsFly (2-1-0): Bodow has the team to compete but will he keep it up all season. Early stumbles have him at the back of the pack as well but wins over Pat and Austin have kept him from falling even further. It's crowded at the back of the pack and it's going to be a nasty ride for these teams.
(8) Bungfield (1-2-0): All is not well in spreadsheet land. Just 2-4 on the season, Brian losses to similar teams Ben and Ged have put him in a bigger hole than he would have liked. Luckily, Brian didn't tank his entire season with the important victory over the aptly named Toilet Dogs. It's a long road from here to the playoffs but if anybody can do it, it's a problem solving genius-level janitor who cures genetic defects in the spinal column.
(9-12) Cobra Kai Dojo/Toilet Dogs/From First to Worst/ Miguel's Scotch Club (0-3-0): The cellar of Bonerland is pretty grim. Last year's wire-to-wire regular season champion, Dan, is an unexpected inclusion in these parts. Together, each of these teams is 1-4. Yipes. While there is a lot of season to be played none of these teams has shown the flash that they are going to rise up and reach .500 or above. Dan likes to fellate himself that he's suffering from bad luck, and maybe so, but the standings don't lie. Be better. I expect one of these teams to go on a run and make some noise but from here on out, I think you can circle these matchups as "can't lose" weeks on the calendar.
Week Four Matchups
Week 5 Matchups
Austin hit you where you were vulnerable on the pitchers mound and nearly got you. Damn. A stroke of luck with one of Austin's pitchers and it's a tie. Unfortunately, close only counts in bonershoes and bonergrenades. The rich get richer and the asian get more confrused.
Josh, everybody likes you and wants you to do better. You had a decent offensive week but you still lost to Matt :( That must have hurt as much as your wallet in SF buying Matt all those drinks. Well, no, probably not. Matt's offense was vulnerable this week but Josh failed to capitalize on his opening. It looks like sweeping Matt's offense is the key to conquering his quad-closer pen. Especially with Jason Grilli closing like he was me on Maui. Cocks.
Week Six Matchups
This Week in Match.com
So, I met that girl Lisa and we've actually been hooking up a lot. She is divorced verrrrry recently (too recent for real comfort) and has a two year-old daughter. I told Lisa up front that I wasn't really comfortable going over to her place because (1) I didn't think it was a good idea to meet her child and confuse the poor kid, and (2) I am very weary of the super wigger jealous ex husband (who is a professional triathlete and HAS to know Leto) camping out and killing me.
Fast forward to Drinko De Mayo, I made some mistakes and ended up at Lisa's house. We did the dirty all night, and of course whiskey dick struck again, plus condom induced anesthesia didn't help. I woke up in the morning and Lisa was in the second bedroom playing with her daughter. Oh god, I forgot she told me that her daughter was coming over at 8am. uuuuuugh. So, I played possum for another hour and kept sleeping. Finally, Lisa put her daughter down for nap time and came in. Of course she wanted to go again, so we did. Then I passed out, only to be awoken a bit later by the cries of her daughter. Lisa gets up, goes into the other room and picks up her daughter. She carried her daughter out of the room over her shoulder and walked towards the kitchen. Well, that passes by the doorway of Lisa's bedroom where I am in bed, naked. I cover my shit up, and look up. I see Lisa's daughter staring into my eyes. She waves at me. I was like "ooooh fuckkkk." So, I said, "hello!" trying to be nice. Lisa says, "Oh, that's Peter." The daughter says, "Uncle? Uncle? Uncle?" "Um, yeah, sure." This is my nightmare. Uncle Pete. Sweet. I can't wait for the daughter to mention that to her daddy. Kheipz. This will catch up with me eventually on Maui.