Wellness Center News
Putting it into Practice
Forgiveness
Quote:
"Forgive people in your life, even those who are not sorry for their actions. Holding on to anger only hurts you, not them".Reflection:
We always hear people say, "Forgive and forget" but this statement is easier said than done. When someone wrongs us, we tend to respond with anger and the desire to "get even". Ultimately, it turns into a battle of "egos". The anger and pain we feel drives us to want to "win" or have the last word. Having skills to regulate your emotions is essential to staying level-headed and making a rational decision. When we respond with anger or pain, we don't realize that it only gives the other person more power over our thoughts and emotions. Forgiving someone is not for the other person to be free, but it is for you to feel free. It's you saying, 'I am no longer letting this person control my emotions nor live rent-free in my mind'. At the end of the day, only you can make that choice: stay angry and build resentment, or let go and be free.
Maybe there's someone in your life that has wronged you and you haven't forgiven. Maybe you've held resentment towards that person for quite some time now, and you think to yourself, how can I possibly forgive this person? Maybe...it's time for you to let go of that pain.
Remember, forgiveness does not equal reconciliation. In many cases, you may reconcile with the person, but even if you don't, forgiveness is still possible.
Skills into action:
Here are some skills you can practice on Forgiveness:
How do I reach a state of forgiveness?
Forgiveness is a commitment to a personalized process of change. To move from suffering to forgiveness, you might:
- Recognize the value of forgiveness and how it can improve your life
- Identify what needs healing and who needs to be forgiven and for what
- Consider joining a support group or seeing a counselor
- Acknowledge your emotions about the harm done to you and how they affect your behavior, and work to release them
- Choose to forgive the person who's offended you
- Move away from your role as victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in your life
As you let go of grudges, you'll no longer define your life by how you've been hurt. You might even find compassion and understanding.
What happens if I can't forgive someone?
Forgiveness can be challenging, especially if the person who's hurt you doesn't admit wrong. If you find yourself stuck:
- Practice empathy. Try seeing the situation from the other person's point of view.
- Ask yourself why he or she would behave in such a way. Perhaps you would have reacted similarly if you faced the same situation.
- Reflect on times you've hurt others and on those who've forgiven you.
- Write in a journal, pray or use guided meditation — or talk with a person you've found to be wise and compassionate, such as a spiritual leader, a mental health provider, or an impartial loved one or friend.
- Be aware that forgiveness is a process, and even small hurts may need to be revisited and forgiven over and over again.