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Divorce Detox™ Dogma

#1 Become your own best friend. The divorce process is hard enough without you making things worse for yourself. Beating yourself up, judging yourself and having unrealistic expectations of yourself during this time will only add to your pain. While the choice to be getting divorced may or may not have been yours, how you move through this challenging time is completely up to you. Treat yourself like you would a very dear friend going through the same thing.

#2 Healing is non-linear. There will be many ups and downs and you will move forward and backward throughout the divorce transition. Keep your expectations of yourself in check by not asking too much or too little at any one time. We encourage you to focus on taking baby steps until you feel more steady and self-assured.

#3 Expect to experience strong emotions. Everything you are feeling is normal. Divorce brings up a lot of "stuff" so just know that you don't have to fight your process. Your emotions are meant to move through you so shutting them down or berating yourself for feeling bad will only create more pain and suffering. Just allow them to flow in a safe, containing environment. Seek out a professional to help you process your emotions.

#4 Divorce is unfair. Divorce often feels like a punishment, and there is a strong desire to retaliate or make someone pay. This is a normal reaction to a very unfair situation. Accepting that divorce is an unfair process for everyone will save you time, energy, and a considerable amount of money in legal fees. The goal is not to just settle for less, but to be realistic about what is possible.

#5 Your Ex is no longer your partner. It's hard to imagine and accept that this person is no longer on your side, but people change with divorce, sometimes quite quickly. Knowing this will help you take things less personally and to be prepared for unexpected actions and behaviors that come your way.

#6 Divorce is a trauma. Much of the strain and stress of divorce happens on the inside of the body so it often goes unnoticed. Your whole physical self is being affected by this trauma. Don’t underestimate the magnitude of what your are going through, and take care of yourself in mind and body accordingly.

#7 Be open to learning and growing. Maintaining an open mind, and setting an intention to learn and grow from your divorce experience will put you in a beneficial frame of mind as you manage this transition. You can gain knowledge and self-understanding from every challenging experience in life, and divorce is no different.

#8 Develop a divorce transition team. Become aware of the people you are including in your process and don’t be afraid to distance yourself from those who are not supportive and helpful. Most people are well intentioned, but it is up to you to protect yourself from negativity. It will be important for you to have as much support as possible through this process.

#9 Be realistic about your knowledge of divorce. No one going through divorce is a pro at it. Everyone who is thrown into the divorce system will have some kind of learning curve, and will feel overwhelmed by all that needs to get done. Don’t expect yourself to be able to do it on your own.

#10 Make decisions based on facts and evidence, not feelings and fantasy. It’s easy to get caught up in fear and beliefs you have about your divorce that are not founded on truth. Try to separate your head from your heart so you can use them in an appropriate way as you make decisions and work through your emotions.