Portland Daily

Fueling the Nation

Big image

Feature Article

A few weeks ago Alex took Lena to the Crypts in hopes to find her mother. They were disguised like a scarred straight type deal and it worked surprisingly well. It was a dark, stinky, and moldy place that no one should go in let alone live in. It was smooth sailing until they came to a large door. Upon entering they found an unpleasant looking guard standing before them. He was also stubborn but Alex convinced him to let them through. The hallway beyond the door was twice as worse as the place they were in before. There was minimal lighting and there was mold everywhere. One of the cells they found was very abnormal, on every surface of the walls the word "LOVE" was written and there was a tunnel that led right out of the place. Lena knew in an instant that it was her mother who had done this.
Big image
Big image

Daily Bargain Buy

Today's bargain buy is the cure for home use. You may be wondering "why do I have to wake up at 10:00 a.m. to go get my cure?" and the answer is YOU DON'T HAVE TO! That's right folks with new advanced injection technology you can literally put the needles in anywhere you want! But not advised to inject into eye balls or genitalia. So when it's time for your trypanophobic child to receive the cure don't even bother waking them up just shove the needles deep into their chest and hope fore the best.


Starting at $399.99 but order in the next 10 years and get 10 cents off your next buy!

Big image