Types of Parts: Exiles

The Healing Room at Heartspace

Module Nine - 60 minutes

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Exiles are the most excruciatingly vulnerable, painful, terrified, powerless, rejected, abandoned, alone, ashamed, humiliated parts in the system. No one likes to feel what they feel. Our system will do almost anything to stop these feelings, avoid and prevent them.

We can become overwhelmed by them and totally absorbed by them. Attempt this module only after you feel confident in using all the tools of Modules 1-4.

Find cards 4A-B, 7A-C, & 8A-8D in the Self-Therapy Cards (in the mesh bag). These cards show key concepts in this module. Card 8A starts you off.

Reading About Exiles

You have read about Exiles in Self-Therapy, pages 25-26 in Module 5, re-reading this can be helpful, continuing to page 28 and doing the exercise (but make it for one Exile, not two).

In the same book, read pages 197-202; Uncovering Your Pain: Getting to Know an Exile.

Drawing a Picture of an Exile

Use the drawing materials to draw a picture of your Exile. You do not have to be an artist. The picture can be very simple or it can be elaborate. Use colors and shapes and size to express important things about the Exile. You can write words in the picture if you want. Let the picture express anything and everything important about the Exile.

Connecting with an Exile

As you draw the Exile, notice how you feel toward her or him. Make sure you have Self-presence. If there are other parts around, acknowledge them, and ask them give you space to really be with the Exile now and connect.

See cards 7A,B, & C about how Protectors can initially block access to an Exile, and then grant access, so that Self can Witness and Reparent. See the separate module about Reparenting called Self-Nurturing a Child Part.

Let the Exile know this is a healing space and you are here with her or him. Let them know there are lots of resources and a healing process that you are learning. Pay attention to where you feel this Exile in your body, images it shows you, any thoughts or dialogue it shares.

Card 8B shows this stage.

Surrounding the Exile with Resources

Once you have drawn a picture of your Exile, you can choose resources from the resource cards you have explored before to surround the exile with. You can draw this into the picture as well.

Witnessing an Exile

Witnessing is what the Self does with any part it connects and spends time with. It comes from being curious and by the part learning to trust the Self. The part tells its entire story; how it became burdened. This can be a very moving and emotional experience. The difference between this and just telling the story when blended with the part, is that the compassionate presence of the Self engages a specific physical process in the brain where changes actually happen.

Cards 4A and 4B show how Exiles can be triggered by current situations and how the Self can then engage the Exile in the healing process by Witnessing.

Retrieving an Exile

Parts can be retrieved from their frozen or stuck place in internal space-time. Self must be present and connected, and the part must be ready. Most any place will do, but it needs to be safe and has to be anywhere else but the stuck place. It should be understood by the part that this is a permanent relocation and it never needs to live in that place again. It can revisit for positive and healing purposes if it needs to.

Card 8C shows this.

Unburdening an Exile

Unburdening is the final step of healing in IFS. After fully witnessing and retrieving a part, if there is sufficient Self-presence and connection to the part, it can be unburdened. This is a release of the negative energy bound up in the part from the time(s) and place(s) when and where it was burdened.

The part itself must be ready and not pushed into it by Managers wanting to get the job done. Sometimes a part may only be ready to release part of the burden.

The process is based in the neuroplasticity of the brain. A real change has been happening all along through the healing process by Self connecting with the Exile. It has been building toward this release, and the imagery and ritual of energetic release is a way for the mind-body system to initiate and complete this process.

Quite often, there are spontaneous unburdenings happen, because it is a natural process. Creating an image in your mind of the process can help. It can be as simple as burning the burdens in a fire or releasing them into the air. Some people bury them or drop them in the sea. Others imagine a healing light taking the burden away, or launching them into space. People have been very creative in the ways they have unburdened parts. It is up to you and your part what the best way will be.

This is shown on card 8D.


Look in any of the books on Chakras and notice if your exile is connected with any of the chakras, based on where it is in your body or it's particular function or behavior. Use the chakra stones and Reiki healing approaches to support and heal this exile.


Do the module on EFT with your exile as the focus.

Take Your Time/Repeat

All modules are intended to be done unhurried & at your own pace. The designated timeframes are really just a guess. If you don't finish the module you are doing in the allotted timeframe, just note where you left off and schedule another time where you can finish the module. It is also helpful to repeat modules and alter them for your own individual purposes.

Providing feedback in the private group blog at www.healingroom.space will help us make modifications in estimated time, and improve the overall experience of using The Healing Room.

Read On

Feel free to read more in any of the books referenced in your modules. Specific excerpts have been identified for quick reference and easy digestion within modules, but you are welcome to spend more time in these books to expand your knowledge and increase your understanding. Schedule additional time in The Healing Room to use the resources in whatever way makes sense to you.

Journal About What You Discover

There is scratch paper (recycled junk faxes on one side, blank on the other), writing pads, and sketch pads for you to use to make drawings and writing notes about your Healing Room experience. Take a moment at any time during your Modules, or at the end to do so.

You may also want to bring along your own private journal for this purpose.

Alternating Bilateral Stimulation

ABS will help you have more Self-Energy, connect and relate in a healing way to your Exiles.

Remember, The Healing Room is set up with a stereo system that can provide audible Alternating Bilateral Stimulation (ABS) which is a component of EMDR therapy (Eye-Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing). The unique Alternating Bilateral Stimulation sample played continuously in The Healing Room is called Ocean Crossover and mimics ocean waves moving back and forth across the room at a gentle low volume in the background. It has a relaxing effect and supports the neural integration of new perspectives and healing of negatively charged memories, particularly when it is paired with specific tasks.

*Having the ABS playing at a volume loud enough to hear it, but low enough that it seems to fade into the background while you learn these skills, is optimal.