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Advice for People in Portland

Dear Jumble Jones : I have been having trouble keeping my emotions in check and I fear I might have been infected by a girl at my work. Ever since we met I started showing symptoms. I didn't pay much attention at first ,but now it has become very apparent I need help. My procedure is several months away , so what should I do?


Hello emotional guy : I felt like I need to write back to you because your problem is time sensitive. If you don't get your procedure soon I fear you might be taken by the delirium . You should tell your parents to move your procedure date closer. You should also tell the infectious girl to do the same. I would hate to see you thrown into the crypts ,or even worse executed. Please write me back after the procedure is done and you are cured.

Sincerely , Jumble Jones

Movie for the ages!

Why to go see this brilliant movie.

Delirium is a new movie that's being produced by Warner bros. It's based on the best selling book with the same name, Delirium , by Lauren Oliver. This movie will take place in Portland, Maine, where Lena Haloway lives as a normal girl that's not looking for love and is waiting for her procedure. She lives in a world where love is a disease, but when her soulmate, Alex comes along she is changed forever.Lena's perspective of the disease will change. Watch as they have to keep their secret from everyone they love and care about in fear of being killed. This thrilling action/romance will have your eyes glued to the screen the entire time.
What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. -Henry Haskins

Are the crypts still inescapable?

For years conspiracy theorists have said the Crypt isn't the super prison it once was. They say it has lost funding and is need of critical repairs . Recently many former guards and employees have confirmed those theories. A former guard came forward and told us that the walls are weak and there are too many prisoners to guard. Many people think an escape is imminent and others say prisoners have already escaped and officials have covered it up. Rumors have been circulating through the prison that a woman had dug her way to freedom, but the guards assured us that this was only a rumor and nothing more. We don't know if anyone has escaped , but someone will sooner or later if the prison doesn't get more funding and repair the damaged walls.

Portland's classifieds

Help wanted: We need new guards for the fence. Recently a guard was found sleeping on the job. He was subsequently fired, so now the position is open to anyone looking for extra cash. You will have go through a backround check and basic training ,but if you qualify you can start making money fast. It's not a hard job , so if your interested send your applications to P.O box, 4534

Love away is the quickest, most painless procedure around!

Ask most people and they say that the procedure hurts, but now it doesn't have to. We have patented a new way to inject the cure with little pain and we call it love away. Our studies have shown that people who take love away will never succumb to the disease again. Many procedures hurt and they sometimes don't cure you , but love away can cure you with little pain. When your scheduling a procedure ask your doctor if love away is right for you.Side effects may include coughing, sneezing and diarrhea.
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By Jason M-W