COMMUNITY NEWS

Sixth Time's a Charm?

Just yesterday, the Wife of Bath announced her engagement to Sir Greg Revell. This will be The Wife of Bath's sixth marriage. When asked how he was feeling about the marriage, Sir Greg said "I'm excited for the wedding, but I feel quite unwell. I've gone to the doctor and he said it appears as though I have a case of food poisoning. Which is quite unusual, since I only eat home cooked meals from my lovely fiance."

What did the Wife of Bath have to say about this? "I just hope lovely Greg is well enough on the day of our wedding. He has spared no expense and I would hate to see all that money wasted. Even though he has more than enough cash to spare! Ha ha ha, after that, he could die for all I care. Just kidding, don't put that in there."

Story Time at the Library

Saturday, March 21st, 3pm

Jubilee Street

The guest speaker for this Saturday's Story Time at the Library is the Pardoner. Admission is free and the event starts at 3:00 pm.

The Pardoner said the following when asked about his tale for Saturday: "This will be one very inspiring tale, I feel that people will be greatly moved; while admission is free, I highly recommend you stop by the bank on your way to the library. Tell everyone you know! Bring your friends, your kids, your neighbors! Don't forget your wallets!"

Models Wanted!

Tammy's Tights is searching for a model to showcase their new red tights! Auditions are very selective; the company is searching for a woman with "a big forehead, gap teeth, wide hips, and a face so red, it'll match the tights!"

Auditions will be held at noon on Friday, March 20 at the Tammy's Tights store.

Rape, Murder, Greed, Misalliance

All of the above are discussed in the New York Times bestseller "Canterbury Tales." This extremely revealing expose reveals all the corruption and criminals involved in the Roman Catholic Church. The author of this magnificent tale goes by the pseudonym "The Host."